My thoughts are spastic and all over the place.
I have wanted to write this since Friday, but the right words could not seem to be put down.
I couldn't sit still while watching Batman: The Dark Knight Rises on Friday night. No, it was not because of the intensity of the movie. However, that may have been a factor.
It was because I couldn't get the horrible scene of the Colorado Shooting incident out of my head. This incident happened the night before and I couldn't shake the entire act out of my brain.
When they dimmed the lights at the movie theater, it went silent. It was the craziest thing ever. I have never been in a movie theater that quiet before. I could feel the tension in the room. I got up to use the restroom and I could feel everybody's eyes on me as I left the room. Not because they sincerely thought I was going to return and re-do what Holmes did, but because all of our natural instincts have heightened.
It makes me sick to my stomach. Physically ill. I cannot seem to keep my eyes away from this story. I'm not sure why. I hear negative stories on the news all of the time. Yet, this one is different. It's like a bad scene in a movie. I want to cover my eyes because it is so scary and sad, but I cannot seem to look away. I continuously want to read more stories, watch more videos and know what really happened.
As petty and childish as this sounds, it pisses me off. My first reaction when I heard about this was complete anger. What was possibly going through this awful man's head? I want to know what motivates a person to do something so awful. I want to know what has happened in his life that possessed him to do this heinous crime. What is actually wrong with him? Because clearly, he was not mentally stable.
Yet, as I stop and think about it, I have to remind myself that anger is not what helps stop these kind of issues. The media coverage, the constant attention, these angry posts by me, are exactly what the tool (for lack of a better word) wanted.
I am reminding myself that there is still good in this world. There are still so many wonderful things happening. There are incredible people making a difference. We still live in a beautiful world.
Yet, as loving as my imperfect heart is trying to be, I still cannot seem to wrap this entire situation around my head.
A navy sailor with children was killed.
A girl, who had witnessed and survived a shooting only months ago, was killed in this particular shooting.
A 3 month old baby was among the 59 who were involved in the shooting.
A survivor's blog post hits hard.
A man jumped in front of his girlfriend to save her life. (oh, my heart).
A man jumped in front of his girlfriend to save her life. (oh, my heart).
People. Real people. With children.With parents. With families. With friends.
Real influential people.
Real heroes.
Real influential people.
Real heroes.
I think what is so hard to fathom is that this did not happen across the world--this was something that happened one state away from me. I have friends who live in Denver. I know people from Aurora.
My heart aches for those families who have been so negatively affected by this. I cannot imagine receiving that phone call; hearing that news.
Facebook, twitter, and the blog world was full of deepest sympathies for these families. And I want to reiterate those heartfelt concerns. They are honestly in my thoughts and prayers.
My blogging friend, Sierra (awesome name, huh?) writes:
"Let us be examples for good...Never Let us lose faith in humanity....."
She has started a small fundraiser to help the Colorado Victims called COVA.
You are invited to participate.
And for those out there who are aching:
"...Please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him. Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed."
Sending more love than usual.
xoxo.
Sierra, I love this post! Although Aurora is far from my hometown, it seems like my poor home state has gone through a lot this past summer while I've been halfway across the country.
ReplyDeleteI'm visiting from the blog hop - and I love your honesty. Thank you for sharing your heart with us!
ReplyDeleteSierra, I have been trying to write a blog post about this incident but couldn't find the words... So thank you for this post because you have voiced my thoughts exactly! I saw Batman last night and twenty minutes in, when the shooting part happened, the same scene when the shooting took place, I was so tense, it was so hard to watch the rest of the movie knowing what had happened, but then I realized we cannot live in fear. We can't live in fear because there is still so much beauty in this world!
ReplyDeleteYou wrote this beautifully! The whole incident is heart breaking! It makes me so sad that this man accomplished everything he wanted to! Anytime we hear about the movie, Batman, we will automatically think of the shooting. But I like to think that we'll remember to pray for those who are suffering, instead of the man who caused the damage.
ReplyDeleteThank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this! Beautiful words.
ReplyDeleteYou are wonderful. This is a horrible thing that has happened but I really thing your thoughts are beautiful. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThis so well written. My heart and prayers go out to those families as well. Such a terrible tragedy.
ReplyDeleteI think it's wonderful that you wrote about this and were able to put some of your frustration and anger into words. In some ways, I think we're fascinated by this story because we don't understand and we want to. For me, I want to know what makes someone do something so horrible because maybe in knowing, I can help stop it from happening in the future. And I think that awful events like this do remind us that even in the wake of tragedy, people can gather together to create beautiful things.
ReplyDeletehearing and seeing this makes me SO sad. so many ppl are doing so many bad things that now public places are going to be surrounded by police and metal detectors like airports! i guess we will never fully understand why ppl do these kind of things. but in the end it hurts ALL of us. not just the victims and their families.
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