Blah.

People are SO lame.

And frustrating. And so NOT loyal.

Ugh.

Don't Judge Me.

Okay, Okay, OKAY. I KNOW I blog a lot. I'm sorry!!!!!
I'm a little embarrassed.

But I have to post this video.

And here are my reasons:
1. I am obsessed with this song. I love Miley Cyrus. Judge me, I dare you.
B. This video made me laugh. Silly boys.




Oh goll.
I hope you laughed as hard as I did when you saw this. If not...
well...then I'm embarrassed.
Again.

There Ya Go Again, Idaho!

{This is me. Dead}

This past Wednesday I had a little Fall Break off of school. So I decided to head up on to BYU-Idaho and visit my old school and my best friends Maria and Alyssa.
It was a blast!! It was my first time being back in Idaho for a year and it was amazing to have all of these memories automatically fly back.

[Side note: It was funny to me because although I miss the memories...I had no desire to go back. I missed some of the most amazing friends I have made, but I realized it is not the place I am supposed to be. Made me realize that everything happens for a reason and that I am here in Provo for a reason.]

BUT...that's not the point of this story. This is the point:
It was all fun and games. Laughing, eating crap, going to haunted mills...all the fun college stuff.
Until Thursday Night. My stomach started hurting immensely. At first, I thought it was just because of all the junk food I was eating. Well, before I knew it...it was Friday morning and i threw up FIVE TIMES IN TWO HOURS. So Maria ran me to the doctor.

And here's my diagnosis:
I don't know if you remember, but I had swine flu two weeks ago. It was miserable. And the worst thing about this whole thing is that because I have swine flu...my immune system is dead. The doctor said the worst part about getting H1N1 is that your immune system is so down that you become extremely susceptible to other infections. So I now have bronchitis and the stomach flu. I have had a terrible cough the past two weeks, after getting swine flu, but I didn't think it was bronchitis because I felt fine.
So I was stuck up in Idaho, EXTREMELY sick. All i wanted to do was to go home to Oregon and have my mommy take care of me :(
Maria took care of me like none other. She fed me and I felt so bad because all of her roommates had to leave because they didn't want to get it!! I felt terrible. Amazing Maria, DROVE ME BACK TO PROVO. So I could at least be in the comfort of my own apartment. Seriously, she is the best friend ever. THANK YOU SO MUCH MARIA!!! I couldn't ask for a better best friend!
So I'm sitting here in my bedroom, barely able to type this because I still feel like crap. If you have swine flu, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Because your immune system is down for like a month, so take it easy!!
Luckily, I have the best visiting teachers in the world who just brought over movies and soup and cookies! How sweet are they?!

I am so grateful for my visiting teachers and my best friends and my roommates for being so kind and taking care of me these past few weeks. I seriously am surrounded by such great people. Now I just need to heal.

And of course it happened in Rexburg.
Idaho hates me.

Meh.

So the last blog I posted was super pensive and "thought provoking".

My conversation with a friend in one of my classes today:

Friend: I read your blog last night.
Me: Oh really? I'm so happy people read my blogs!
Friend: It made me want a blog.
Me: Do it! Then we can be friends!
Friend: Yea, but they are sometimes a little too...deep...for me.
Me: Oh. Yea. I gotcha.
Friend: No I wasn't implying yours--wa...eh...
Me: It's cool. I GET IT.


So I feel stupid for my melodramatic posts. Forgive me.
I'm thinking of deleting the one below. Because I'm embarrassed.
Sigh.

The Other Side

I know I have been blogging a lot.
Forgive me.
But when you are dealing with swine flu--mindless work seems to reek of sheer delightfulness. Homework seems to be TOO much thinking. And blogging...well...blogging involves opinionated venting. Now that is perfect!

So I'm going to vent.
Sorry.



Before I begin, I want you to look at that picture above.
First of all, how beautiful is that photography? It is by a guy named Rodney Smith. Fantastic work. It has a "secret garden-esque" feel to it. The setting in itself is amazing. And swings just make me happy. Therefore; it makes me feel peace and serene. Gah, superb!

Now that I have you in a pensive, deep moment--let me ask you these two questions
Why are people so frustrating?!?!?!
And why is it that the grass is always greener on the other side?

While I was sitting in Oregon this summer, I was SO EXCITED to come back to Provo (amazing, I know) and to come back to college life. I honestly had the greatest summer. I truly truly enjoyed myself and created the "Sierra" I think we all have been waiting for me to create and find. But i was constantly looking for something more. I think that is one of my faults. I am constantly looking towards the past or the future. At this moment, I just want to go home and have my mom take care of me while I'm sick. I want my friends who have known me since I was five to sit and talk with me, because I don't have to prove anything to them, or be someone I'm not with them. Yet, I know when I go back to Oregon--I'm just going to miss living on my own and being around people with good, core values. The song "I Keep Looking" by Sara Evans portrays my life perfectly (hello, this is me. OF COURSE a life story song will be incorporated)


Back when I was young
Couldn't wait to grow up
Get away and get out on my own
And looking back now
Ain't it funny how
I've been trying to get back home, yeah

When my low self esteem
Needs a man loving me
And I find me a perfect catch
Then I see my friends
Having wild weekends
Then I don't wanna get quite so attached
Just as soon as I get what I want
I get unsatisfied
Good is good but could be better

I keep looking, I keep looking for
I keep looking for something more
I always wonder what's on the other side
Of the number two door
I keep looking
Looking for something more

I have realized something. I have had a great epiphany and I am going to proclaim this ingenious statement:

We all need to live in the here and now. Live for TODAY. I look too much towards the future and what next thing is going to be sufficient. My life is wonderful. I need to savor the side on I'm now; not the side I'm going to be on in a year, or the field I was plucking in last semester.

And I need to get over the mistakes that I have made in the past and the way people used to be. I build up people in my mind, greater than they actually are. That might sound cruel but I have learned that people aren't as loyal as they pretend to be. I paint this fairytale friendship with girls and it turns out, people don't care as much as you believe. It may be a completely cynical and negative view on people, but people suck. Haha. The are frustrating, confusing, and selfish...yet thoroughly entertaining and fascinating. I don't know if I want to spend anymore time thinking about that.

So for now....I savor the good friends and family I DO have. I may not have a million friends calling me 24/7. I don't get asked on dates every night. I scare boys. But I know, the people who really matter are here. Right now. For me.
For now, Let's savor our lives. HOW GREAT ARE WE?!

♥

It happens.

Yes, SWINE FLU does happen.

I officially have it.

And they weren't kidding when they said it's MISERABLE. So I'm just lying around my apartment, watching Newsies and Friends (that's the only good part about this sickness). And since there is no meds for it...I just have to suck it up and wait til it's over.

SUPER.