As many of you know, my dear blogging friend Rachael (who I am guest posting over on today. Go take a look!) and myself, and millions of others in America deal with Depression on a daily basis. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 14 years old so this is something that I am completely aware of. I have dealt with, lived with, suffered through for many years. It is not something that defines me or makes me less of a person. It is simply one of the trials in my life. And so it is with many other people. So often, when people hear about this "thing" that I have, they instantly go into panic mode. They don't know what to say or do or not say or not do. I have been told some pretty ugly and stupid things. But that's okay, because people can be ugly and stupid :) So I want to help you homies out of some things not to say to someone who has Depression. Because, well, let's face it, we all know someone who has struggled with it.
1. "Well just snap out of it."
Yea…believe me. I wish I could. You think I like feeling grumpy and tired and anxious and sad and apathetic at some points? No. I'm working on it.
2. "Stop being so emotional."
This is something that my family, friends and people around have me said (maybe not exactly like that, but in some form or another). Emotions is where I struggle. I don't want to always be so emotional, but it is the way I process and get through things.
3. "There’s always someone worse off than you are."
What to say instead: You're not alone in this. I am here for you. I can't imagine how hard this must be. People with depression understand logically that there is someone worse off than they are--but their brain doesn't work like that.
4. "Well, life isn't fair."
Oh, really? Wow. I didn't know that.
Try saying this instead: You are important to me and I love you.
5. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself."
Try giving them a hug instead.
6. "Oh, you're depressed. What's new."
Try: "You are not going crazy This is just a low point. It will get better."
7. "Stop being a victim."
What you should say: When this is all over and you get through this, I will be here for you.
8. "Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days."
Don't try to understand how they feel--that's not going to make them feel better about themselves. This is something they have been dealing with for many months, years, etc. A few days or a small increment of time is not going to help them feel empathy.
9. "Think of someone else."
People's minds with depression don't think like that. They are not trying to be self absorbed or selfish.
10. "Well, have you prayed?"
Of course I have! But sometimes, even through prayer, you are going to have sad days. Knowing God is there is helpful, but asking them if they have prayed is just another reminder.
Love this Sierra! Although I can't believe people would say some of this stuff... so insensitive! As far as the "someone has it worse" argument... I have heard before that telling someone they can't feel sad because someone else could have it worse is like saying we can't be happy because someone else has it better.
ReplyDeleteoh man it would be so frustrating to hear those things! I hear some of those and I don't have depression so I cant imagine.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sierra. Good to know I'm not the only one dealing with this junk. Feels like it sometimes, but it is good to know that someone I respect and admire has faced similar demons.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for writing this. Although I don't suffer from full-fledged depression, I do have major anxiety and could relate to a lot!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing Sierra! Sometimes I go through my highs and lows and I really have a hard time when people say those things to me.
ReplyDeleteI have never been diagnosed with depression, although I have really bad anxiety. It feels a lot like depression sometimes. I can work myself up so much that I don't want to do anything or go any where. It's bad some days but other day it's like I'm totally fine and nothing bothers me. I love that you shared this because so many people suffer from depression. In fact, most of my friends are on some kind of anti-depressant. It's a lot more common than people realize and I'm not sure why more people don't speak up about it. I'm sorry for my rant. I have a psych degree and this is one of my many passions. ha!
ReplyDeletei think in general, most people have a hard time empathizing with something they have no experience with. they think that if you do the same things that they do, you might be able to "fix the problem". but on the other side, i have a hard time relating to people who happen to always have a positive attitude in life. i always thought people were faking it.. but it turns out there are people that are just very different from me.
ReplyDeleteso glad you wrote this up! i know i can relate.. i was diagnosed more recently because i refused to see a doctor and therapist most my life. it gives me a few examples on what to suggest to people rather than trying to avoid the situation altogether.
This is a really important message and you have written the post beautifully :)
ReplyDeleteSnap out of it is the all time worst.
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS SO GOOD. I want to print this out and give it to everyone I know.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Really good things to remember. I think some people just say things without thinking sometimes. I know I do not suffer from depression, but when I am in a bad mood or have anxiety and someone says something along those lines to me it just does not sit well.
ReplyDelete"Someone else has it bad" I think it's just wrong, if I am doing it to myself as pep talk that's find otherwise no
ReplyDeleteThis is really well-written! I remember not knowing what to say to my mother when she went through this, because I wanted her to get better and not feel even worse.
ReplyDeletexo, Hima
Hima Hearts
I love this! I have found myself recently in the position of helping a great friend cope with tough times, and the hardest thing to do is to not say the wrong things. Often, I have found that i might not be able to say the Right things, but I can be there and listen and support whatever my friend is going through.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! This is something that I have never really thought about, perhaps because I haven't experienced someone with depression before. Will definitely keep this in mind.
ReplyDeleteGreat post - thank you for sharing ♥ I absolutely hate "There’s always someone worse off than you are." - of course there is, but that doesn't make your own pain or troubles any less important.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that this people would say these things to you. I have dealt with depression on and off for many years until I sought out help. But telling someone to "snap out of it" is just mean!!
ReplyDeleteI appreciated this post because I don't think it's something that a lot of people think about!
ReplyDeleteGood to know I'm not alone. Some things people say can be so insensitive.
ReplyDeleteI love that you offered alternatives to those phrases. While I have not suffered from depression, I suffer from an anxiety disorder and have heard many of the same things and would appreciate those reactions instead of the questions. Thank you so much for sharing and doing your part to change the world's view on mental health issues like this.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Thanks for sharing. I think a lot of people are struggling and talking open about it is awesome!
ReplyDeleteLOVE this post. I still battle with depression at times and this post is so true.
ReplyDeleteThis is great. Sometimes things that seem so easy and "right" to say to someone, are the WORST things you could say.
ReplyDeleteI love this, in fact, I'm going to share it to every single social media account i have. I've battled depression for half of my life now, and while I've really made HUGE strides in the past year and especially the past few months, there's been a few times where depression has still crept up on me without warning.
ReplyDeleteSorry that you've negative experiences with others! Know that we're here to support you!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I know it's hard for people who don't suffer from depression to understand those of us who do. This is a great way to start educating people about it. :)
ReplyDeleteI like this. I think up until you have had yourself or someone close to you go through this, it is very easy to be insensitive. I think that the Church has really opened up about this topic in the last two or three years though. It is something that needs to be talked about.
ReplyDeleteThank you SO MUCH for posting this!!
ReplyDelete