HERE IS MY BACHELORETTE POST.

Okay, raise your hand if you were going to pee your pants from excitement on Sunday due to the airing of the Bachelorette finale?
And, raise your hand if you are going to blog about the Bachelorette, ya know, because these are the real complex workings of our social media and our country? (run on sentence...just deal with it)
ALL OF YOU, BLOGGING FRIENDS, SHOULD BE RAISING YOUR HANDS.

I have decided to post some thoughts on the inner workings of this season.
I had to. I just had to give in.
Am I like every other blogger now?
You may ask: Why? Why, in Zeus's name, Sierra, are you posting about this?
And my response is: Because, dear world...Why not? (Yea. I still have 5 year old responses. It's fine)
It's my blog. I do what I want. 

I love them so much I even creepily download pictures of them from their instagram.
ahhhhh. It's fine, I have a personal connection. Just keep reading.
P.S. come follow me on Instagram! @sisiainge (ha--you see what I did there?)

1. Let's face it, this was probably my favorite season in a looong time. Especially if we are going to compare it to Ben's season (sorry Ben. Ya know, cause I just know you read my blog. Courtney? really? Like, let's get real here for 5 seconds). So much more common sense in Emily. I love it.
2. I didn't like Emily at first. Yep, I said it. I thought she was a high maintenance, southern diva who was boring. And although the first half off the sentence may still be true, I really grew to like her. A lot. I love how serious she was about finding true love. I love how honest she was with herself and with the guys. If she knew it wasn't going to work out, she sent those babies home.
3. I also really appreciated how real Emily was. I think she's a lot more feisty than people give her credit for. She knows what she wants, she knows what she values, and she does it. Plus, the girl is fuh-reaking beautiful. (We can just ignore the fact that she continues to get more work done on her face, but it's whatevs).
4. I loved the top 3. Like, really. I loved all of them. In different ways. I still think Sean would have been the best father (yes, my sister, Lexie, disagrees with me on this one). And although Sean is most compatible with ME (hardy har), I thought he was sweet and kind. Yea, he was a little boring. But hey, they can't all be perfect.
5. Can we just talk about how painful it was to watch Arie put love potion on Emily and than watch him try everything in his power to not cry when he was completely blindsided? Oh, my heart. I felt so bad for him. I seriously almost started crying (yea, I'm that pathetic). I just felt so much sympathy for him.
6. Yet, as I began to think about it, and as I have continued to watch Jef and Emily (cause I'm a stalker), I can tell they are head over heels for each other. Because the Bachelorette is real life. Duh. I think they might make it. Even if they may have issues with his mormonism past (YIKES I SAID MORMON. It's true....hold that thought), I really think they are going to make it.
7. Yes, back to the mormon comment. I know Jef is not "active" blah blah blah, his family is still very LDS--even though they dubbed over that his parents are doing "charity work" --mission presidents, people. Just let him say it. Goodness! I love what Bonnie had to say on this topic about Jef and mormonism. (thanks girl!). Either way, Emily is basically mormon. Seriously. All she talked about was having more babies and having a family. Ha! Either way, I do think it is something that will be an issue in the future.
8. Either way, I love Jef.. No, but, really. We met a couple weeks ago and I'm pretty sure he flirted with me (or just talked...either one works, really). But, hey, he was an engaged man at the time. And much to the dismay (confusion? I don't know the right word to write there?) polygamy isnt existent in the mormon world anymore. In case any of you still believe that, so I can't really go chase him down and remind him of our friendly, witty, banter with one another. Either way, he'll regret his decision and come back to me. Soon enough.
9. Watching these kinds of shows makes me want to fall in love.
But not on reality tv.
But still.
Should I try out?
Hahaha.
No, but seriously.

See? He couldn't resist me.

I have a lot more to say on the Bachelorette Season 823054843 (or am I off one?), but it's late and I have MY LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL EVER starting tomorrow.
So, yea. I get a little delusional any time after 11.
Okay, 9.
Fine....7 pm.

Any other opinions, comments, or questions you have on this past season of Bachelorette? Cause I have them. But I am having a major brain fart. I have all of these ideas to write (as usual) and then when I actually sit down to write--it's like my memory forgets everything. 
Eh, whatever.
xoxo. 


P.S. Happy Pioneer Day, Utah!! What a random holiday. I still don't think I have really "celebrated" it since living here. But, hey, super happy about no school? ha. Do i sound like a snot yet? So grateful for the pioneers who went through enormous physical, emotional, and mental trials for ME. God knew I couldn't be a Pioneer. That's why I'm on this earth now :) haha. 

My less than professional thoughts on the Colorado Shooting.

My thoughts are spastic and all over the place.

I have wanted to write this since Friday, but the right words could not seem to be put down. 

I couldn't sit still while watching Batman: The Dark Knight Rises on Friday night. No, it was not because of the intensity of the movie. However, that may have been a factor. 

It was because I couldn't get the horrible scene of the Colorado Shooting incident out of my head. This incident happened the night before and I couldn't shake the entire act out of my brain.

When they dimmed the lights at the movie theater, it went silent. It was the craziest thing ever. I have never been in a movie theater that quiet before. I could feel the tension in the room. I got up to use the restroom and I could feel everybody's eyes on me as I left the room. Not because they sincerely thought I was going to return and re-do what Holmes did, but because all of our natural instincts have heightened. 

It makes me sick to my stomach. Physically ill. I cannot seem to keep my eyes away from this story. I'm not sure why. I hear negative stories on the news all of the time. Yet, this one is different. It's like a bad scene in a movie. I want to cover my eyes because it is so scary and sad, but I cannot seem to look away. I continuously want to read more stories, watch more videos and know what really happened. 

As petty and childish as this sounds, it pisses me off. My first reaction when I heard about this was complete anger. What was possibly going through this awful man's head?  I want to know what motivates a person to do something so awful. I want to know what has happened in his life that possessed him to do this heinous crime. What is actually wrong with him? Because clearly, he was not mentally stable. 

Yet, as I stop and think about it, I have to remind myself that anger is not what helps stop these kind of issues. The media coverage, the constant attention, these angry posts by me, are exactly what the tool (for lack of a better word) wanted. 

I am reminding myself that there is still good in this world. There are still so many wonderful things happening. There are incredible people making a difference. We still live in a beautiful world. 

Yet, as loving as my imperfect heart is trying to be, I still cannot seem to wrap this entire situation around my head. 

A navy sailor with children was killed.

A girl, who had witnessed and survived a shooting only months ago, was killed in this particular shooting. 

A 3 month old baby was among the 59 who were involved in the shooting. 

A survivor's blog post hits hard.
A man jumped in front of his girlfriend to save her life. (oh, my heart). 

People. Real people. With children.With parents. With families. With friends.
Real influential people.
Real heroes. 

I think what is so hard to fathom is that this did not happen across the world--this was something that happened one state away from me. I have friends who live in Denver. I know people from Aurora.

My heart aches for those families who have been so negatively affected by this. I cannot imagine receiving that phone call; hearing that news.  

Facebook, twitter, and the blog world was full of deepest sympathies for these families. And I want to reiterate those heartfelt concerns. They are honestly in my thoughts and prayers. 

My blogging friend, Sierra (awesome name, huh?) writes: 

"Let us be examples for good...Never Let us lose faith in humanity....."

She has started a small fundraiser to help the Colorado Victims called COVA.

You are invited to participate. 

And for those out there who are aching: 

"...Please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him. Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed."

-Pres. Uchtdorf

Sending more love than usual.

xoxo. 

I'm Pretty Sure This Was Written About Me.

Umm, yea.

Wow.

"I use music to speak when words fail me, even though words are as important to me as the air I breathe."

Yea, so I am obsessed with country. Whats up, country haters?! These songs are perfect. 

10 points if you catch onto the theme. 

That's all for today. 

xoxo. 

I Just Can't Do It Today.

Blogging, that is.
...I just can't.
It's not you, it's me.

No, like, I seriously cannot write anything of real substance today.
I have waaaayyyy too many things to do. (ironic that I'm sitting here typing this, huh?)
And I have a lot of things on my mind (big shocker there).
Please forgive me if I take a little hiatus from the blogging world for the next couple of days.
Don't leave me, k?

That's why I love the blogging world.
You're all so forgiving and loving :)
xoxo.


On another note, here are a few things that made me laugh.
Ya know, just cause I'm funny... No? too soon?

I'm pissed I didn't think of this. 

SERIOUSLY. COME ON. 

you're lucky if I brush my hair. 

e'ryday.

DOES IT. DOES IT?! (Ten points if you know the episode)

yea....about that....

truth. 

haha oh boy, you have no idea. 

ha!

uhhh...yea....

cough mom cough

yep.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. It was a red flag, guys. 

kills me. every. single.time,

come find me on Pinterest!

It's the best waste of your time EVER.

xoxo.

Me.

I Am Me.

I am a laugh that echoes through a silent room.

I am a curvy body, dark blue eyes, and long, luscious blonde hair. 

I am a daughter, an aunt, a friend, a sibling, and a future wife. 

I am a daydreamer with a book in my hands on a rainy day. 

I am sundresses of all colors. I am polka dots. I am flowers. I am all types of colors. 

I am the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

I am a screaming fan while watching a basketball game. I am Celtics' biggest fan. 

I am a combination of strength and humility, learned through life’s difficulties.

I am a writer of words, especially when speaking seems to fail.

I am the youngest child of a large family: feisty, stubborn, and lovable.

I am a song, a voice, on a stage with hot, glistening lights beaming towards me.

I am a wonderful family and supportive friends.

I am deep, close, meaningful relationships.

I am a feeler.  I am emotional. I am intense. I am nonjudgmental. I am an individual.

I am a crier who sobs through sappy chick flicks, who laughs constantly through comedies, and feels deeply through introspective movies.

I am green trees in Oregon, large mountains in Utah, and sunsets at the beach. 

I am outside. Feeling the sun, and being active.

I am a perfectionist, a list maker, and a hopeless romantic. 

I am wanting to be loved for who I am, not for what I look like.

I am human--making mistakes and trying to fix them. 

I am a sunshine lover. 

I am a driver, spending hours thinking in Ronda the Honda. 

I am singing and dancing openly everywhere: in the car, in my room, or on the street.

I am a life learner through my religion, through school, and through experience.

I am my hardest critic; having to remind myself of my potential, talents, and strengths. 

I am a daughter of God. I am loved by my Savior. 

I am a future teacher; worried, scared, but excited to change children's lives. 

I am passion. Towards teaching and towards life.

I am growing and learning. 

I am Sierra.

Dear Me {8}: And My Dear Friends...

Dear Me

And my dear blogging friends:

To those of you who seem to have: 

lost something dear to them,

gone through a terrible break up, 

suffered the emotional roller coaster of a death, 

did not reach a particular goal, 

lost the loyalty of a dear friend,

lost the motivation to keep going, 

or any other feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, or humiliation.

Read these two posts:

Are You Ready For This?

React

Watch this video. 

(thank you Kylie!)

It will change your perspective.

If it doesn't....watch it again. 

Amazing.

Listen to this song

(Thank you Hillary!)

Brand New Day: Joshua Radin

Read This: 

She also knew how to have fun, but knew when to stop and put her mind on other things.

 she had a wholesome look about her, a sparkle in her eyes, and a smile on her face. She knew why she was in school. She was there to learn. She dreamed of the kind of woman she wanted to be and patterned her life accordingly.

Find purpose in your life. Choose the things you would like to do, and educate yourselves to be effective in their pursuit. For most it is very difficult to settle on a vocation. You are hopeful that you will marry and that all will be taken care of. In this day and time, a girl needs an education. She needs the means and skills by which to earn a living should she find herself in a situation where it becomes necessary to do so.

For you, my dear friends, the sky is the limit. You can be excellent in every way. You can be first class. There is no need for you to be a scrub. Respect yourself. Do not feel sorry for yourself. Do not dwell on unkind things others may say about you. Particularly, pay no attention to what some boy might say to demean you. He is no better than you. In fact, he has already belittled himself by his actions. Polish and refine whatever talents the Lord has given you. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great and strong purpose in your heart. Love life and look for its opportunities, and forever and always be loyal to the Church.

Never forget that you came to earth as a child of the divine Father, with something of divinity in your very makeup. The Lord did not send you here to fail. He did not give you life to waste it. He bestowed upon you the gift of mortality that you might gain experience—positive, wonderful, purposeful experience—that will lead to life eternal. 

Look to the positive. Know that He is watching over you, that He hears your prayers and will answer them, that He loves you and will make that love manifest. Let the Holy Spirit guide you in all that you do as you look to become the kind of woman of whom you dream. You can do it. You will have friends and loved ones to help. And God will bless you as you pursue your course. 

Remember this:

Pinterest

I have realized how many wonderful people I have in my life in the past 24 hours.

I am so lucky for friends who call and are as pissed as I am. (ha!)

I am so lucky for family members that give me perspective on the future.

I am so grateful for my Savior who builds my confidence when I seem to question everything about myself. 

Other Letters to Myself:

Dear Me {7}

Dear Me {6}

Dear Me {5}

Dear Me {4)

Dear Me {3}

Dear Me {2}

Dear Me {1}

Write your own Dear Me Letters!

LINK UP.

Only rule: Please put this button at the end of your post!

You are welcome to say my name or link them back here too. 
*Copy the html code and paste it into your post.  Click the enter button to link up.

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Life is good, even when it is hard. 

It's fine, guys. 

We got this :)

xoxo. 

React.

In complete honesty, I did okay today.
Well, of course, until right now.
At this point my emotions feel a little mixed up.

I tried apologizing to a best friend for reacting negatively to a situation a couple of days ago. The response returned seemed as though she was still very angry. Which is okay. But her response was hurtful. I don't know what else to say without causing more contention. All I wanted was to simply apologize for my negative behavior. And now I feel as though I am the bad guy for doing that. I contacted her to simply apologize. That's it. For my mistakes, to acknowledge that I made a mistake and will try to work on it.  It's hard to know what to do. I want to react with anger. But I want, more than that, is to allow this silly argument to be a fleeting, laughable moment in a few years.

I feel as though I don't mind being without "him" (click here for more on this), but then moments later, I  ache for him and I want him to realize what he is honestly missing out on. Right now, as I am typing this, I am wondering what he is doing, and if he's thinking about me, and you know, the usual stuff that goes through a girls mind when she is being reminded that he does not and will not make her a priority.

And then...I realized something.
I've officially made a decision, guys.


I am done reacting to life. 

I am a very emotional person. (big shocker there)
Yet, I have had too many instances where something will happen and I will initially react, respond, or reply emotionally. I have seen too many relationships dissipate because of my emotional reactions.
I do a very good job at solving other peoples problems, but why is it seem so difficult to respond that way in own life?
Despite the emotional investment I have in so many of my relationships, I am, from now on, going to work on stopping and thinking before I react.
Yes, I may need some time for myself. To calm down. To think. To process everything that is going through my mind and heart. But I will no longer allow other people's decisions or the simple happenings of life deter me from living my life.
I have so many goals. I have so many talents. I have so many gifts.
And it is my time to work on myself to become the best person I can be.

They say that life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it.
So often in my life, I have reacted out of fear. But here's the truth: I have nothing to fear as long as I keep reminding myself that God is with me every single step of the way. 
He knows me so well and He loves me for every thing that I feel. He gets it. He knows my downfalls. And He is trying to prepare me. He is trying to continue strengthening me. If I trust in Him, whatever is supposed to happen in my life will happen. Simple as that.
I have a problem with living in the past, with reacting to what has happened. I also have a problem with looking too far in the future. Im learning to live for me now. It's one of the hardest lesson I’ve ever had to  learn, but I have an infinite amount of faith in myself and in the Lord that everything that has happened was meant to and everything that will happen is meant to as well. 


However, I am not a perfect person (wooo another shocker) and knowing all of this does not discount all of the sadness that happens when someone makes little effort with you. Especially when it's someone whom you felt yourself connecting to on a completely unexplainable level.
I am just trying to remind myself that every thing, every person, that has been placed in my life has been for a reason.

What I want and what is right could be two very different things.
And,
I cannot determine anybody else's decisions, but I can determine what I am going to do with it. 
I make the decisions in my life. I make the decision to get out of bed, especially when I don't want to. I make the decision to move on with my life. I make the decision of allowing myself to grow. His decision, her decision, other people's decisions, will not allow me to stop living my life. I will not stop my life because he doesn't want me. I will not stop being a good friend or doing the right thing simply because other people don't reciprocate it. 




I never wanted this blog to turn into another drama fest. So I am sorry for those who may feel that way.
However, I do want this blog to be real.
And I'm grateful for Lauren and her amazingly kind words that help me keep writing what I truly feel. That is why I blog, babe. I am so happy that I "speak to you." haha.

Someday, all the pain, all the emotion I feel internally, will be useful. 
For now, I keep smiling :)
For now, I remind myself:
Life is about action, not a reaction. 

And this is why I started this blog.

I came across one of my dear friends blogs today.

And this was what was posted.

READ IT.

Friends, this is why I write. This is why this blog exists.

It's amazing to see when you are actually changing others lives, huh?

I needed this today, Lauren. Thank you.

Thank you, blogging world, for continuing to give me a reason to write. to be honest. to blog.

xoxo. 

Oregon & a July 4th Holiday!

 I'm a little behind. 

I know.

Hey, remember when I went to Oregon for a week, though? 

I needed to bond with some very important people.

 Please forgive me. 

I gave you Part 1 of my vacation last post. If you missed it, well, go back and read it. Duh.

My 4th of July week was definitely one for the books. 

There was a lot of laughter. A lot.

(And there may or may not have been a lot of crying too. Let's just move on from that)

With my mom, Nick and Lexie. (Newsies cowboy moves anybody?) 

Also, with Brizzy, my niece, in particular. 

Me: "Hey, Briz, who is the best looking person in this room?"

Brizzy: "I am."

Well done, Brizban. Well done. 

Me: "I go back to Utah tomorrow, briz."

Brizzy: "Aww, are you gonna miss me?"

That girl has so much personality it is insane. She must be an Ainge. I have realized that three year olds are seriously like sponges. Every time I would say something, Briz would often repeat whatever came out of my mouth. Yikes. She's growing up so fast and it breaks my heart to not be around! I absolutely love being an aunt. I miss the fact that I don't get to see all my nieces and nephews more often: Palmer, Portia, Teya, Brizban, and Dane. Love you guys. 

Sometimes life hits hard when you are around those whom you care most about.

On my drive to and from Washington, I thought of Holland, my niece who passed away in October,  a ton while at home too. I swear her and Meme were talking to me. Miss them everyday. 

 I spent a good portion of my time in Washington with Chandler for the 4th of July. 

It was so much fun! We watched Seattle's fireworks at a golf course hill overlooking. We lit off fireworks with a bunch of drunk guys, after. Good times, let me tell you. Haha. 

I don't think I slept for two days while there. #worthit.

AND I WENT SHOOTING.

Guys, I am officially obsessed. It was my first time shooting ever. I felt like an idiot, but it was so much fun! K, I want a gun. 

For when I to defend myself from all these creeps in Provo, right? 

Yea, I don't wanna talk about it. Haha. 

Shooting clay pigeons. 

Ha so awkward...

Um, yea, okay...

Instagram: sisiainge

Then, my last few days at home, I went to my cabin at Crescent Lake.

There is something so nostalgic and therapeutic about that.

I have so many fond memories there. 

It is, literally, one of my favorite places in the world. No joke.

And this fair skinned girl got burnt. HOLLA. 

I left my phone up at the cabin and just tried to soak in the moments and think and enjoy myself. 

It was so hot. The water was frigid, but I had to jump in to cool down multiple times.
I'm ballsy. NBD. 

I may or may not have read an entire book while there, too. Book nerd alert. 

And look at that view? Are you kidding? Unreal.

I went on a beautiful hike with the parents, went to my cousin's bridal shower, a wedding reception, my home ward, the Nike Employee Store, etc. All in all, it was a wonderful week (despite the drama). I am grateful for those in my life who are patient with me.

Heaven knows I need it. 

Lizzy and I eating her delicious cupcakes 

My mom and I :)

On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad do you want me after seeing this picture?
JW.

I am so grateful for the wonderful people in my life, all the hilarious memories I have made this week, and the incredible freedoms this country gives me. 

I have learned so much about myself and how to deal with problems the past few days. More on this later. 

(Ha gotcha intrigued, eh?)

4th of July=second favorite holiday.

Woot Woot!
It is so nice to get away from the everyday life and just have a real vacation.
I start teaching 4th grade in a little more than a month and I'm freaking out.
It's hard to come back to full time school, teacher conferences, classroom decorating, and other school,
But sometimes it's nice to get back into a routine.
No? Is that just me?
Hope you all had a fabulous 4th of July!
xoxo. 

ILife--Sometimes...

I'm sorry that I have been MIA (because I'm so sure that all of you are heartbroken). I have been basking in Oregon's beautiful green weather. I wish I could say that it has been Oregon's beautiful, green, SUNNY weather. However, that has not been the case. Never fear, though, it has been nice enough to enjoy nature's harvest of greenery (ya see what I did there?). 

Surprisingly, a lot of photos have been taken. Granted, many of them have been on my iPhone. But, hey, beggars, can't be choosers right? When I come home, I sort of check out from the rest of the world. And I sleep. A lot. Ah, nothing like coming home to your old bed!

I love Oregon. I always will. Now, I wish that it were sunny. But I have sisters and nieces and parents here. So it can't be too bad, eh? 

Alas, I shall update you with my most recent adventures through my Instagram photographs (yea, I shouldn't be blogging this late....) 

Come be my friend!

Everyone's doing it.

@sisiainge

Sometimes (and by sometimes I mean almost every day) I swim  with friends.
This happens quite often, really. Of course I'm the only one actually in the pool. 

Sometimes I put a chair in the pool and just sit on it.
It's fine. I do what I want.

Sometimes we go on a field trip to Thanksgiving Point and I find little kittens.
I swear, I find animals every where I go. It's a sign, people. I need a pet!!!!

I'm still not entirely sure why I was so excited....
But I am. So that's good.

Sometimes we become the rebels and don't follow the rest of the group.
And decide to take pictures with the horses.
Yea, we were those kids on the field trip.

And then we take pictures like this.
Yea, we don't wanna talk about.
Cool dinosaur fossils though, right?

And this one...

And then, sometimes, I go home to Oregon and find my niece is actually my twin,
uhh....

And while in Oregon, my parents and I hike beautiful Angel's End. It was fuh-reaking hard, but so worth it. 

Are you kidding? Look at the view.
And no, I'm not talking about my sweaty face and body. 

Love it.  

My cute niece, awkward brother in law (ha), and my sister's awesome flag cake! 

And sometimes I see my bestie, Alyson, and laugh. A lot. Little cutiesssss

Now, to some seriously wicked awesome sleep time in my bed. 

I LOVE VACATIONS. 

Be jealous.

xoxo.

P.S. Don't hate me if I sort of disappear for the next couple of days. Again. I need to be in real life. It's good for me. But don't leave me, k?

Happy 4th of July, y'all! Sending my love!