SUP.

Hi, guys. It's been awhile, eh? How are you?
My life is so good. I have been very busy with my health plan and working/teaching 6th grade full time. This two things keep me quite busy and I am grateful for them, but sometimes, after these long days, the last thing that I want to do is write, ya know?
Sometimes it is good to just write an update on our lives. I don't journal as much as I used to. Okay, well, I haven't journaled since June, but you win some, you lose some. So sometimes this blog becomes a journal. A less "personal" journal, that is.
Side note: I never want my children to read some parts of my journal. There are some deep, not-so-kind, sad moments in there. Before I die, I want to rip those pages out so they don't have to read those. I want my children to read my spiritual moments, read the happy parts, and perhaps, even some of the challenging posts. But there are some things written in there that I don't want anyone to read. Does that make sense?

Anyway, UPDATE TIME.
(all photos: my instagram)

Currently:


Obsesssing over: Snow capped mountains in Utah. No, I do not love winter. When one has to swim oneself through seasonal affective disorder, winter can be challenging. But, I LOVE the cozy feeling that my home gives me during the holiday season. I don't love the cold. I don't love the cloudy, snowy, rainy days. But I LOVE the views of the snow on the mountains. Look, I'm being positive about winter. Aren't you proud?

Working On: MY HEALTH. Update on my health plan. I am down three inches in my waist and one inch in the hips. THREE INCHES, GUYS. This is awesome. I was a little discouraged because I am only down 12 pounds in two months, but when I measured the other day, I realized that my body is altering. It is gaining muscle and altering the overall look. I notice that my clothes fit me better and that is way more important than my weight (at least I need to keep reminding myself that!). It hasn't been easy. I have had some serious down days. I thought that the weight loss was going to move a bit faster, but it is working. Slowly, but surely. And I am working hard and doing what I can, yes, even with a few slip ups. That's what's important, right? (Also, Saylor has FOMO and wanted to be in the picture.)

Thinking About: How grateful I am for this hunk, T Money. How grateful I am for many things in my life! I hate that we aren't as "well off" financially as we could be, I wish we had more money in our savings account. But I am so grateful for my hardworking, loving husband.

Anticipating: THANKSGIVING AND THE BREAK. THE BEST. NEXT WEEK. SO SOON. NEED IT NOW. Also, decorating for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving! Huzzah.

Reading: Well, I am currently reading/listening to FOUR different books right now. I don't know how I do this. I have a huge list of books to read and not enough time. I am in the middle of "The Martian" by   Andy Weir, Go Set a Watchmen by Harper Lee, All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr, and "I am Malala" by Malala Yousafzai.

Watching: How To Get Away with Murder (live),  The Voice (live), Jane The Virgin (Netflix), and White Collar (Netflix) with T Money. Also, I am watching Saylor attack her poor teddy bear. Poor bear. But look at cute #saylorthepup is. Love her. Also watching BYU Basketball. The season has begun. My favorite sport!

Listening to: "I am Malala" by Malala Yousafzi (what an amazing woman!), Christmas music (I JUST STARTED TODAY. DON'T HATE ME! It snowed this week and it's freezing. How can I not? Plus it puts me in a good mood). I have been listening to General Conference talks and LDS music on my way to and from school and I have noticed a huge difference in my demeanor. Sometimes these uplifting words help my attitude. Also, hello Adele and Carrie Underwood's new albums. So good.

Making: My students stay inside for recess (and blocking the clock so they stop looking at!). My sixth graders have been "on one" recently. This always happens during the holiday season, but it has started earlier than I was expecting. Yikes. It's been a rough couple of weeks with attitude and chaos and loudness. We all need a break, I think. It helps when I get emails from past students' parents with notes like these. Sometimes I need these kind of reminders to reiterate that I am doing a career that I love! I still love those kiddos. :)

My life is so good. Not too much is going on except for a rigid health plan and a rigid sixth grade teacher ;). I am so happy and content. I LOVE the holiday season and I am so grateful for all that I have in my life. I think I need to do some more of these posts. I enjoyed writing this.

K BYE.

What are you grateful for? 
What are some of your updates? 

Word Vomit | An Internal Battle.

My students have this bad habit of speaking everything that comes to mind. Literally. Everything. It's quite annoying. But all of the time I tell them to stop word vomiting over me. That they don't have to say everything they think out loud to the whole class.
But, alas, I am going to word vomit all over y'all.
Hope that's okay.

I've been kind of emotional lately.
It's not the outwardly over-the-top emotional where I cry at every tender thing, kind of emotional. I have been feeling a lot internal struggles recently. Isn't that what a lot of our struggles are, anyway? Internal. Struggles that not many people know about?
 I'm not entirely sure why I have been feeling a lot of feelings. It's not that I am depressed or sad. In fact, I am so incredibly content and happy with where I am in my life. After yesterday's post, I am so overwhelmed with love and gratitude for all of the supportive, kind, thoughtful responses I received. It's amazing what writing from the heart does. It's simply that I have had a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head and heart. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. Its simply that I have been weighted, in a way, by these feelings and thoughts.
I can't even begin to tell you where they came from. It's sort of just hit, like a pile of bricks.
And like I stated before, it's not that I am sad. I'm not crying all the time, or mad at someone all of the time, or even bitter to any extent.
I just have been feeling a lot. I feel things very deeply all of the time, but this is different. It's an even deeper feeling. This happens from time to time. And I have found that sometimes it starts with stress and exhaustion. Today I was gone for 13 hours. Ha. And I thought I would have time to do a play! I have this desire and urge to get back on stage; to sing and perform. But right now that's not really an option. I need to savor my energy and put that energy into other things. Right now that is my teaching, my health, my calling and young women, and my relationships.  And I have to remind myself that it's okay. It's okay to not do everything that I want. I have to let some things go, and right now that is going to have to be it. Priorities, baby!
I have recently been feeling sadness because I feel like my effort with friends is completely disregarded. I feel like old friendships are dying, even when I make effort, and that its difficult to make new friends, especially when you're married without kids! I feel like in order for people to socialize with me, I have to do everything, and even when I do, I don't feel like I am treated the way that I should be by friends. And it's disheartening. Tanner said to me other night, "Who's your best friend?" And I almost lost it. Because, even though I have so many amazing friends. I don't have that one best friend. The one who I can call any time about anything. And it makes me sad.
I have recently been feeling angry that I can't seem to get the energy or time to lose this weight that I have been, literally, carrying around.
I have recently been feeling exhausted because I feel like I am constantly on the go. I feel like I am running nine million ways. And they are all good, worthwhile, important things, but alas, I do feel that way.
I have had to make quite a few changes in my lifestyle since summer: with my testimony and religion, with my sleeping and eating habits, with my time management, with my thought processes, with my classroom, with this blog, and much, much more. Change makes me think a lot and that may be a factor. Again, I need to remind myself that it's okay for change to happen. And it's okay to feel the things I do. I am not a weak person for having lots of thoughts and feelings, even if others may not be that way. 
I just have to keep reminding myself to think good thoughts. I am doing so many good things in my life. I am working hard to be better, in all facets. Isn't that what life is all about? 

One of my favorite things to do when I feel this internal battle is go to my Pinterest and scan my Life Quotes, Overcoming, and My Faith Boards and look at some quotes. I find that it gives me perspective on life.
Plus, I am obsessed with quotes. Don't you agree?
Here were some of my favorites this evening:  (yes, I narrowed it down from 50 to like 20. Be proud).

Sigh.


What are you some of your favorite quotes?
Do you find that quotes help you in your life? 
Do you ever have periods of time like this?