Til We Meet Again.

This has been an emotional weekend.

My good friend (whom I met in beloved LDC), Ryan Tauiliili, passed away in a car accident early Saturday morning.

My friend, Rachel, writes perfectly some of the wonderful things about him that we all remember. 

He got into a car with a drunk driver. They hit a median. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt. He died on the scene.

When I first heard this information, I sat on my bed in silence for about an hour. 

I didn't react.

I didn't cry. 

I was in shock. It didn't seem real. 

I haven't seen Ryan in quite some time, so it was almost as if the whole thing didn't happen. 

It is amazing to me that in the matter of one day all of the stages of grief were experienced.

Shock, Anger, Guilt, Sadness, Laughter. All of it. 

A couple of hours later, I started to feel angry. I was angry at him for making that decision to get in that car. it is amazing that one decision, one silly decision, affects everyone and everything. It is a testament that there are, in fact, consequences for your actions. 

I was mad at myself for not reaching out to him more and making more of an effort with him. I wish I had been there for him more. 

Some of my dear friends got together eventually to reminisce about Ryan (Love you Lauren, Allie, Rachel, Paul, Adam, and Jenny.) I love my friends. Their strength, example, and amazing hearts have made this entire process for each one of us easier. 

We went from watching movies of him (talent show anyone?) to sitting there laughing at his ridiculous comments. "You little...", IPTA, leg fart.  His crazy quotes will forever live on. One particular video of him and Paul singing "Brothers" had me sitting there sobbing. We would go from constant tears to uncontrollable laughter. Last night was perfect. 

He had such a distinct personality. Half the time I wanted to drop kick the kid. We had such a love/hate relationship. It was hilarious. It is a testament to me that we come to this earth with such special personalities. He was, by no means, perfect. He made a lot of mistakes. But Ryan had a special way to bring people together. 

Ry, I know you are up there eating your little heart out. And playing volleyball. And making sure everyone is sitting there listening to you sing. 

Death is weird.

Sounds like such a childish word to use, but it's the only one I can think of to accurately portray my feelings currently.

It's weird to think that I can't text him at any moment. 

But I am so grateful for my church, and the knowledge that I have that I will see him again. 

That death is not the end of our lives, but it is only the beginning. 

A little text message Ryan sent a few months ago: 

Ryan: Dear Fans, it's been made to me there are contentions and rumors of war in choir amongst children of men. Please prepare for my visit to correct all.

Me: Really? It's been a year, Ryan. GIVE IT UP.

Ryan: Sisi it's been over a year since I met you and you're still a debbie-downer, give it up already ;) love you.

Oh, that kid.  

 "Come home, the Father calls, Come home, my child, to me. Come home, loved voices call. Come home, where you belong." LDC song fits perfectly right now. 

A video of him and his beautiful voice. This video makes me cry.

As Lauren would say: This is EXACTLY what he would want. All of us sitting here, talking about Ryan in all positive terms. This is his dream come true. You're welcome, Ry. Miss you. Til We Meet Again.