Lessons Learned at Home.

"It’s a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what’s changed, is you.”
-Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

When I was driving the 11 hours home to Oregon (normally takes 12--all time record right there), I was unaware of all the lessons I'd relearn while coming back to my roots. I've found it fascinating that sometimes life takes it course and quite honestly, I just have to hold on tight. Through the roller coaster of negative and positive experiences, I have found my take, opinion, actions on and about life in general, is different. And that has become even more apparent since I've been home. It's amazing what two weeks in Lake Oswego has done. It has reminded me who I was and who I currently am. Lessons learned recently:

-I don't like flakes. I never have. When someone says they are going to do something, they better be ready to do it. I do not like being disrespected. I am the kindest person you know, unless you do something that goes against my values. I have particular values that I hold dear to me. Loyalty is one of them. These values are usually left unexpressed in my life until they are violated by others. I do, in fact, appreciate abstract feelings such as love, loyalty, and faith.
-I have watched one of my best friends grow up exponentially. I am proud of her strength, her beauty, her personality. She makes a lot of effort in our relationship and I appreciate it more than she knows. We've been friends since 2nd grade, and it definitely has had it's ups and downs, but it's nice to be reminded that there are friends who can sit with you in the car and not say anything. No words are needed, because we know how each other are feeling, without explanation. I can be a mess, and it doesn't matter. Alyson, thank you for teaching me that people do, in fact, change. Best friends are just that: the best.
-It is amazing how much I put my family up on a pedestal when I am away. Do not get me wrong, they are wonderful and I love my family wholeheartedly, but they are not perfect. Yes, my parents do not know how to handle me when I am down. And that's okay. Because it has reminded me that I have gone through this emotional battle in my life, and continue to do so, on my own. Which is why I have become stronger. And wiser ;) I have learned that my future children WILL have issues, and I need to be open and willing to receive the help that is required in order for them to grow. Sometimes, my nieces and nephew say things that make me so happy. My sister, Lexie, is having her second baby girl on Tuesday. I get to be in the delivery room. I am so excited.
-I will always have to deal with immature people, even grown ups. I had an experience last night when dealing with a thirty-something woman. She was rude, manipulative, and unkind. It taught me that I am so grateful I do not deal with people in that manner. And that I don't really know why she responded in the way that she did. I never really know why people respond the way they do, but I need to explain to myself that I should never respond that way. No matter what.
-I have been struggling with a decision about a particular choir. Whether to return or not, what to do this upcoming school year, etc. It's been an extremely personal battle, but I am once again reminded that when I remove yourself from a situation, I see things way clearer. Sitting on my windowsill in my beautiful bedroom brings a lot of answers. A lot of tears, but a lot of good thoughts as well.
-I could travel. All the time. I could go every summer and travel somewhere. There is something inspiring about traveling this world. I learn about myself, about other cultures; I grow. I put myself in difficult situations. I want to live with the people and go through what they are going through. I was looking at pictures of Kenya last night (not a good idea) and it reminded me all of the lessons I learned while being there. I want to go through what I did in Kenya again because its almost like living in a fantasy world. I know that sounds weird but I don't have to be in my world, dealing with MY issues, I get to be in their world. Outside myself. To me, that is ideal. I love learning about people. I love learning about everything they do and believe.
-People's behaviors don't necessarily determine what kind of person they are. Their actions should determine who they are. You should not judge a person by their words, but by their actions. However, just because someone is acting a certain way, doesn't mean that person is actually a bad person. Does that make sense? For example, when I came home from Africa, I felt like my heart was in the right place. I had to deal with this while in Kenya with a particular person, but I thought I had learned from it. But then I started having issues with a girl that I know. I found myself getting frustrated, I just could not be around her. And then i realized: Her behaviors drive me nuts. Yet, it's not that I don't like HER, I just don't like some of the things she does. And I have to be able to differentiate that. It's hard to separate those two things from people. We think that people are annoying or mean, when in reality, those are insecurities that stem from themselves and that is why they are acting that way in public. There is always a reason why that person is acting a certain way. It stems from our insecurities. There are a lot of things about this girl that i really do like, but I have to be able to separate her behaviors with who she really is. Because it's insecurities, our trials, our mistakes and the things we do wrong, that make us act a certain way.
-I HATE saying goodbye. I try everything in my power to avoid it. I don't know if it's just because I don't like change or because I always get emotional. But for some reason, when I have to say goodbye to someone, I try to do it with a nonchalant attitude. I think what it comes down to is that I think it gets emotional. I am extremely sentimental, so when I say goodbye to some places, a part of me wants to hold on and go back. I was driving out of my apartment complex (UAC!), I have lived there for two years. I look back and I start thinking of all the memories. And it kinda makes me sad. But it's a good feeling to know that you are restarting. I don't like saying goodbye; I much rather have them just stick around :)
-There are certain places, no matter what is going on in your life, give you peace of mind. For me, that is my cabin at Crescent Lake.