Motherly Bodies.

Nine months. I carried you for nine months.
You caused me to become anxious, cry a lot and become depressed.
You caused me, even more so, to look in the mirror and rub my stomach in awe.
You caused me to itch, become severely fatigued and anemic, gain stretch marks and weight.
I am grateful that my PCOS body—hormonal, overweight, and prone to acne, birthed you.
I am grateful you came into my life.
I wouldn’t change my experience to have you in my life.
I cry thinking how much I love you.
You bring me so much purpose, so much joy, and so much happiness.
But.
As I look in the mirror, I rub my stomach in awe.
Not for what you gave me, but what it has caused me to look like.
Stretch marks.
Fat. Lots of fat.
Tears.
Saggy breasts.
Why do I focus on that?
Why can’t I focus on what you have given me?
You are worth the
Stretch marks.
Fat.
Saggy breasts.
But society tell me it’s not okay.
Society tells me that I’m less than because of my weight.
Society, (perhaps my parents and family members and friends?) Judge that I look the way I do.
I’m tired of it.
I am proud of my
Stretch marks.
Fat.
Saggy breasts.
They have given me YOU. Your strong personality. Your joyous smile.
My body has carried you, birthed you, and fed you.
My worth is not my weight.
My worth is not my weight.
My worth is not my weight.
Ten months you’ve been with us.
And I thank my body everyday.
Or, try to.