Sigh.
I mentioned yesterday that there are a plethora of reasons for why I have been MIA from the blogging world. But, I guess, in all reality, it doesn't really matter, does it? I am now posting and that's the important thing, you could say.
Update on my life. Wow. Where do I even begin?
Christmas Break was fantastic. I did exactly what title of the holiday entailed…I took a definite break. I checked out from anything that I, essentially, did not have to do. I did not go into my classroom, I did not blog, and I did not grocery shop of any manner. Ha! I spent a wonderful week sleeping in, going to the gym, finishing up our Christmas Cards, and spending quality time with my puppy and T Money. In all truthfulness, I was sort of recovering from my play and teaching the whole break. It was nice to not have rehearsal every day! Haha. My Christmas Break was very low key. We went and looked at lights, saw movies, and did fun, easy, cheap Christmas activities. It was my first Christmas away from my family and with the in laws. I have to admit, I was a little sad. I wanted to be home in Oregon, with what was familiar, but Christmas with my in laws was actually wonderful! It just so happens that T Money's family does a lot of similar things and traditions as mine. I love my in laws so much, so it made the transition a whole lot easier.
all photos in this post via instagram.
Happiness.
I want to do what makes me happy.
As many of you know, I have struggled with clinical depression since I was 14. This is not something that defines me or even tears me down anymore. I have learned how to process, deal and cope with it. There are definite days when I still struggle with it, but I know what helps me and what doesn't. I know when to see signs.
I have spent too much of my life trying to do what makes others happy, or my parents happy, or what the church thinks that I should do to make me happy. I am doing what I know will make me happy. And let me tell you, in the past few months that I have done that, I have felt SO MUCH HAPPIER. I love where I am at in my life and that, to me, is what the whole point of this journey is, right? To enjoy it and embrace it and love it and savor it. And that's what I'm doing.
Some of these things that make me happy and that I want to continue to work on and change are:
-Going to the gym & exercising outside when I can. Yes, I want to lose weight. And thats a definite goal of mine, but more importantly than that, working out helps with my depression and anxiety and stress. I love the endorphins that it gives me. I go to the gym because it makes me feel better. I will try to go to the gym often.
-Blogging when I want to. Sure, that may affect my numbers, but I felt way too much anxiety putting a deadline or a definite date on things. Who cares? I want to have quality posts and if that means only one post a week, then so be it. I am so sick of all the drama and mean words and stress that blogging brings. The second a hobby turns into something negative, it is not healthy.
-Do something once a day to improve myself. If that means, taking a bath and dealing with my stress, going to the gym, taking the dog for a walk, reading my scriptures, taking a nap, watching a show, reading a book, going out to lunch with friends, writing on this blog, etc. I want to remember that if I want to help others, I need to take care of myself. I want to continue to be spontaneous and fun and continue enjoying life. Along with this is involving myself in the Be Better Movement for Kenya Keys. Many of you know that I lived in Kenya for a few months in 2011 through an education program called Kenya Keys. Every week, I am, with the help of many other women to improve myself physically and mentally with one challenge a week. For every challenge I participate in and post on social media, money is donated for a child's education in Kenya. I am very passionate about these things: health, education, and my love for Kenya. I am excited to participate in it so that my loves in Kenya can get an education. This is improving myself and them. Look for the #bebetter52 hashtage on my instagram!
-Continue My Relationships and Serve Others. I don't have a lot of resources like money or tons of time, but I do have the luxury of having lots of people I love close to me. I want to continue to reach out to old friends, make new friends and serve those around me. I I have so many good people around me and I want to continue those friendships and relationships, because those people and that time is something that makes me happy. It sounds so cliche, but service really does bring happiness.
-And, of course, grow as a Teacher, Daughter of God, Wife and person.
Life: My life is good. I have many things to be grateful for. The past week I have been really sick with a horrible cold, cough and sinus stuff. I am just now starting to feel better. Tanner and I are thinking about buying a house and that's a little stressful, but it's definitely something we have started looking into. It's note definite, but something we are pondering. We are enjoying our time together and are excited for some possible trips this summer!! I am working like crazy and swamped with science fairs, testing, observations and parent teacher conferences. I am loving working with my young women and talking to them often. They are such funny, beautiful, awesome 14-15 year olds. My mother came into town last weekend for a visit and my brothers birthday. It was good to see her. Hard, just like it can be whenever family is around, but it was good.
And, that, my friends, is the way the cookie crumbles.
(That doesn't relate to this post at all, huh? That phrase doesn't work, huh? Whatever.)
Oh here are more pictures of life recently. Thank you, instagram. IG seriously saves my life. I really need to start using my nice camera.
i love this. thanks for being so brave and transparent. i struggle with depression too and it's such a battle -- it's always good to have a plan of action to be proactive in keeping the overwhelming dread and hurt at bay.
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