On Being a Mother and Not Going Back to School.

Georgia is nine months old today. I can hardly believe it. These past nine months have gone A LOT faster than the nine months she was in my stomach (and a lot more enjoyable). Being a mother has been so fun. I was genuinely nervous that I would not know how to be a mother, or even enjoy it because I have been in my "career" (even though my career was dealing with children). Don't get me wrong, there are days when I NEED to have some alone time, but Georgia is incredibly happy, social, and adorable  that it makes it so fun! I also think that being a teacher has helped me to multitask in many facets in motherhood (one kid--that's way easier than managing 30 sixth graders at the same time).
School starts next week around these parts and I am having a little bit of an existential crisis. "Did I make the right decision?!?!" Although making the decision to be home with G is the correct decision, it makes me a little bit sad to see all of the Back to School posts and all of the teachers getting their classrooms ready. I feel like I should be in my classroom getting everything ready. That is what I have been doing during this week for the past seven years and it's quite a change to be doing something different.
Life changes are a funny thing. Even though you know you make the correct decisions, the natural man in us "questions" ourselves and our intuition.

Plus, I know that I will get over this back-to-school sadness after like a day... Ha.

I am still tutoring throughout the school year and subbing one-two times a week so I will still have my "foot in the door" to keep my license up, so I hopefully will fill the void of being with students.

Don't worry, I am going on a girls trip this weekend to ease the pain ;)

Also, here is a picture of Georgia at nine months. LOOK AT HER. She's so stinkin cute.

Georgia Kay- Announcement, Pregnancy, Baby Shower!

Georgia Kay has finally arrived! 

November 12, 2018 4:05 am 

7 lbs 6 oz and 20.5 inches 

We love her so so much. 

Now that I have a minute (even due to this exhaustion!) I thought I would finally write about this adorable girl's journey...starting with conception. Ha. Juuuust kidding. 

All information is on my Instagram 

Announcing to Family! 

Telling Tanner I am pregnant! 

Telling Tanner's Family! We put a piece of paper on our dog, Saylor, that said "Big Sister" and had Tanner's little sister grab it from her. We told my parents over the phone and I told my sisters the next day because I had to tell someone!!  

Pregnancy Announcement 
see another post here 

Telling my students that I am pregnant. They were a little excited. Ha! 

Gender Reveal 

We decided to surprise ourselves (and our family) the gender of Georgia. We had to go back to the ultrasound three different times because she didn't want to uncross her legs and they couldn't figure out her gender! Eventually they did, and they put it in an envelope. My sister in law put a special color in the balloons and my family stomped on them. 

Baby Shower

My sister and mother in law threw me the cutest baby shower. We had people from Tanner's ward growing up, my ward, family friends, college friends, and family. It was such a great shower and baby girl was absolutely spoiled with gifts. 

Lovely face. Ha 

My mom flew in from Oregon to surprise me for my shower! 

Pregnancy 

see another post here 

Oh, man. Georgia's pregnancy definitely was not, you would consider, an easy one. I was very lucky to have a few great weeks between weeks 22-35, but I threw up for the first 22 weeks. After week 35, the nausea returned and I was so incredibly itchy. I thought I had choleostasis, but, luckily I did not. I was just so severely itchy! My OB said it was directed to my iron deficiency. I was quite emotional during the first and second trimesters a bit, but felt okay from then on out. Since Baby G was a week late, the last three weeks of pregnancy were soooo difficult, but I know that is not unusual. I had an anterior placenta, so unfortunately, I couldn't feel her move very much in the first and second trimesters, which made it difficult to connect, I think. I worked up until three days before having baby girl. It was so nice to teach and have the distraction, but it was also incredibly exhausting. But, ultimately, I think working was a good decision for me. 

Baby Moving! 

Pregnancy.

Hi blogging world.
It's only been six months. Not that long, eh? ;)

via instagram: @sierrasview

I'm not sure if you heard the news, but T Money and I are expecting a baby! I am almost 22 weeks today. We are having a girl! 

I thought I'd share with all of you this awesome news. There is lots of "news" happening in our lives. From new jobs, to school, to teaching, and new church callings. I've been meaning to "tell the world" about our lives because I love to document. Unfortunately, though, this blog hasn't given me the outlet that I needed before, if that makes sense. And that's okay. I strongly believe there is a time and place fore everyone and everything in each of our lives. 

But that's not what I wanted to talk about. 

Pregnancy. 

That's what I wanted to chat about. 

Pregnancy is hard and it sucks. 

Yep, I said it. 

I feel like, so often, we talk about the excitement and joy and happiness that accompanies pregnancy. Yes, there is no doubt that those feelings are exponentially true. After all, you (well, I) have a baby in your STOMACH! You are growing a human! What a miraculous, wonderful, special occasion. 

Which then has you question, oh, wow, yea, I have a human growing inside of me. It's scary and emotional and it does things to your body that you didn't even know could happen. 

The honeymoon phase of pregnancy is great. You are so thrilled for a new baby to arrive in your home. You want to tell everyone and have them share in your joy. You want to find out the gender and start decorating and buying clothes (all of which I did! And which I shared with friends and family). 

I love that I can share my excitement about my pregnancy with people when they ask how I'm doing. I am so grateful that people are excited for us!  

What I don't share when someone asks me is this: 

I hate that I don't have a "cute" baby bump (I just look like I've gained weight at this point. So much for a cute bump that just pops out..). 

I hate the insecurity that stems from pregnancy. I hate that women make comments about others' cute bumps and not mine. I hate that I care so much about that (like who cares? I know, logically, that everyone carries a baby differently). I hate that I don't want to socialize because of this anxiety and insecurity. 

I hate that I don't have the energy or stamina to do things anymore. I hate that I have the urge and need to do fun things, but I can't. Every time I try to push myself, my body tells me to stop and slow down--which frustrates me! 

I hate that I feel lazy and tired all of the time, even after being active and exercising and trying to drink tons of water. 

I hate that I worry about pre-eclampsia or gestational or all of the other physical scares that could come with a woman who is overweight and has PCOS like me. (I am so happy we were able to get pregnant on our own without fertility, even with PCOS. How amazing, huh?). 

I hate that I can't feel baby girl move yet (Why can't I?!) while everyone talks about how much they can feel their babies kick. 

I hate that I am constantly worried if baby girl is okay. If she's healthy physically and that she'll be cute (I feel so stupid admitting that, ya know?). 

 I hate that I'm almost 22 weeks and I am still nauseous some days. I hate that I threw up for 18 weeks and now I am still feeling crummy some days. I am grateful that I am not throwing up every morning, but I was hoping to "feel the 2nd trimester honeymoon phase" at this point. 

I hate that I had a hard time being so excited for baby girl until recently because I was so sick and so exhausted for so long. It's hard to be so excited when your best friend is a toilet for weeks on end. I felt guilty for this for awhile. 

I hate that I worry about all the anxiety that accompanies planning for baby girl. Are we going to be able to buy everything for baby? Am I going to have the nursery ready? Will baby have all of the supplies she needs? It sometimes goes as irrational as: Will I know how to take care of a baby?! Haha. 

I hate the fear of having to balance everything this next year: teaching full time, getting my masters degree, new baby, tanner in school and working full time. (I keep trying to remind myself that it's temporary!). I'm worried for me and my baby. 

I hate the weight gain and the stretch marks. I hate the round ligament pain, sciatic nerve pain, constipation, and smell of pregnancy (TMI?). 

I feel guilty for not being one of those women who just "loves to be pregnant!!!!" because, well, frankly, I have had a rough pregnancy. And I guess that's okay to not love it. 

I hate that I can't focus. I try to start a book and I can barely finish it, I try to write a paper for my master's degree and I cant think of words to write, I try to talk to Tanner and I can't even finish my sentences (pregnancy brain is real!!). 

I hate that my emotions, hormones, and mental illness seem to be overriding. I am irritable and sad, even when I try not to be. I hate that my emotions can change on the spot. 

I hate that I need so much sleep!!! Haha! (Even more than usual. And I love to sleep). 

I hate that I have to eat like every hour otherwise I become sick and hangry to the maximum (it's really annoying). 

Pregnancy sucks. I am grateful and excited, but I hate the way I feel physically and emotionally. The guilt and sadness and fear that accompanies it can be scary. The stretch marks, weight gain, nausea, and tiredness can wear you out. But I can still be excited and grateful. And I'm learning that those two don't have to be mutually exclusive. Which I'm trying to remind myself, but it's challenging. What I want to tell you is that you can be happy AND sad. You can be grateful and not excited. You can be thrilled and depressed. All at the same time. 

I've always been one to struggle with change and this, well, quite honestly, is a HUGE change happening in our lives. It's an exciting, wonderful, scary, emotional time. But I know that I will be so grateful that I get to go through it. Because anything difficult is worth it in the end. 

I cannot wait to meet baby girl! 

I saw this on Facebook the other day and I had to share it. It is so relatable in so many ways.

Women are amazing.