Surviving a High Energy World

I would love your feedback on this!! Comment away :)

Book club pictures are the best. Ha! Introverts do love to socialize when they have the energy!!

As I have stated before, I have been a reading fiend. Once a month, the last Tuesday of every month, I meet with a book club and we discuss a book (come join us!). It is a blogging/online book club, as well as in real life meeting. Currently, I am reading six books. Only one of them is for book club. So...I'm reading a lot. Obviously. The book that I read most recently is the novel "Quiet" --the power of introverts in our world. (see more info on the book at the bottom of this post).  This novel sparked something in me and I feel like I need to write about it. I LOVED discussing this book with these ladies this time. For me, it was my favorite discussion thus far. 

One of the reasons why I love reading and why I love to teach my students about reading is because I have seen the influence that a book has over a person. I have read books that have moved me in a way that nothing else has: the beautiful figurative language, the strong characters that are portrayed, or for instance, this novel, which included research that was fascinating and thought provoking. I did not fall in love with this book. That is not why I am writing.  It was good and I enjoyed myself, but it was not my favorite book (which is why I only gave it 4 out of 5 stars). I am writing because this book reiterated to me that I am an Introvert, despite what others may think. I want to point out, however, that I am a moderate introvert. I was raised in a loud family with two very extraverted parents and many extraverted siblings. On the spectrum of introversion and extroversion, I think I am in the middle, just slightly leaning toward introvert, if that makes sense. I feel like this book could have been even more beneficial for my extraverted husband or extravert peers to read. For me, most of it just recapulated what I already knew! 

There were many moments in this novel that stood out to me, specifically, the idea that Introverts, biologically, respond to stimuli differently than extraverts. Another thing that stood out to me is this idea that people's relationships with introverts can be quite complicated. Introverts, as well, have this need to "act more extraverted" in "order to survive in this world", which is an interesting notion that I want to focus on. 

First, this idea about introverts responding to stimuli blew my mind. For me, it was a lightbulb that went off and I found myself proclaiming: "Oh my gosh! Yes!" Introverts brains get "overstimulated" if they are pushed to do too many social things or things that they don't want to do. In a way, almost, introverts completely shut down when they become over stimulated. This happens to me all of the time. Sometimes I need preparation when I know I have A LOT going on or going to happen. I need to mentally prepare myself so that I don't become overstimulated. I feel like I am an introvert who does a lot of things (at least moreso than other introverts that I know!). I feel like I keep myself busy with gym and work and social activities. I find that I push myself outside of my comfort zone all of the time, because, socializing makes me feel good, even if I am drained after wards (which is the definition of introversion by the way. Introversion is not just "shy"--it is a person needed to decompress after moments of socializing). For me, specifically, I feel like how I respond to stimuli simply depends on how I feel. I am an emotional person, who struggles with mental health, so that is going to affect things automatically. But, I am, and I would venture to say many other introverts are, like a child in that sense. I need to eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep in order to function. It is a running joke in my marriage and in my family to "LET SIERRA SLEEP!" because you do not want to be around me when I haven't had enough (good luck having children, Sierra!). But, my response to outside stimuli and lots of it, depends on how I feel. Sometimes I am spontaneous and can deal with lots of stimuli, sometimes, I cannot. Introverts, almost always, decide when to leave a party or an event. They are going to gage how they feel and then leave once they have become tired.

Second, people's relationships with introverts can be an interesting, I daresay, a complicated one (especially if you are an extreme extravert). I recently read a study saying that most marriages are commonly between an introvert and an extravert. I enjoyed this book, but I did feel as though the author was generalizing. She kept talking about how introverts "hate talking in front of people" and have "anxiety when socializing" and I don't think that is necessarily true. I am introvert. I am a very extraverted introvert, but, alas, I am still more of an introvert. I don't mind talking to people. I don't mind public speaking. There is an entire spectrum of introversion and extraversion and I did feel that she was generalizing exponentially. I have seen this idea of introversion and extraversion in relationships numerous times. Take my own marriage for example. After a long day of teaching, I am exhausted (some days more than others). Always, I need about 30 minutes to decompress. Whether thats driving home, sitting in my classroom in silence, or checking out on social media, I need to "check out" in some way. I have been guilty of this many times in my relationships. I "use up" all of that stimulus energy in my classroom. Introverts who are teachers (and there are many!) are performing/teaching all day. We are standing in front of a class, working and talking and managing coworkers and students all day. Whether, they are meaning to or not, they are going to use their energy at work (no matter what the job is!). Because this is not their natural state, an introvert is going to want to come home and nap or lay down or do something to rejuvenate (also, I have a theory that introverts spend more time on social media!).  I have seen my husband (he's an extravert) become frustrated at this at points. Because I use so much of that energy at my job, then at the gym, that when I come home, I tend to be mentally done. I don't want to talk or connect or do, well anything, because I have been doing that all day. I know that sometimes T feels like I used all of my energy for outside sources instead of for him, so I have to remember that to "Save up" some energy for him, as crazy as that sounds.


Lastly, this idea of needing to be extraverted in our society can be detrimental, in some ways. I did agree with what the author said regarding the need to be extraverted in this world. One of the reasons why I only gave it a 4 out of 5 stars was because of this fact. To me, it felt like the author felt defeated due to her experience of introversion. She was whiny and defensive and that bothered me a bit. With that being said, I do think that in the United States, introverts are, in a sense, forced to be more extraverted. You don't want to socialize? Well, buck up and do it anyway! You are too tired? Who cares! We are all tired. It's this idea that we HAVE to learn to be social in order to adapt in this world, or at least, fake it. I half agree with this statement. I think it is imperative to have basic social skills in our society. I think that it's important that we learn to work with people and understand other people. With that being said, I don't think that introverts have to work with people all of the time. There are many circumstances and jobs and lifestyles where one can be an introvert and that is okay. We NEED introverts in order for this society to run. Can you imagine if all of us were extraverted? Talk about chaos.

I instantly thought about my students when it came to this topic. I have an entire spectrum of introversion and extraversion in my classroom, every single year. I think about those students who are so introverted that they prefer to work alone. And I don't think that's okay. I force them to be in partners, not because I am trying to force them to be extraverts, but to learn how to communicate, talk, and work with others. On the other side of the spectrum, I have some students who can't work alone ever, which is detrimental as well. I make them work alone at times too. Like everything, there is a balance in all things.

I think there is, also, a misconstrued idea about introverts in our western society. Often times, extraverts seem more confident simply because they tend to be more vocal, life of the party, etc. But I do not believe this notion at all. I think that many extraverts are incredibly self conscious, they just do not show it or they overcompensate by acting MORE confident, if that makes sense. Introverts can come across as more timid, which to some people, is translated into lack of confidence, but that is not always the case.

Although I do believe that it is important for introverts to learn to talk and socialize and put themselves out there, I also think it is important to allow introverts to be who they are. Would we ever diminish an extravert to not be as social, or stop having so much fun? Absolutely not. I believe that our introversion and extraversion is engrained in us. Obviously, different parts of life will determine how introverted or extraverted one is. For example, my husband has become much more introverted since being married to me. Marriage causes more introversion. Life changes and trials causes more introversion from extraverts. Your nurture and upbringing is going to affect it, but I do believe it is nature.

• I know some introverts (myself included at times) who are exhausted from all of the chaos that our world brings. In our society, we value "busy-ness." We value someone working hard and playing hard and constantly going. There is nothing wrong with staying inside on a weekend or hiking alone (yes, I do both). Surviving in a world that doesn't slow down can be exhausting to an introvert. I am very busy and I push myself too hard at times. I have to remind myself to get my "introvert" time so that I don't crash. 
• Allow an introvert time to rejuvenate. If they say that they do not want to go out or are tired, allow them this time. If they seem depressed or down, though, maybe encourage them to go out with you. Invite them to do things. They won't always say no! Usually when introverts are tired, they really mean they are tired. (For example: Friday nights, I am usually dead! And I just want that time to rejuvenate). 
• Approach an introvert. Talk to them. Often times, introverts just need someone to connect with, and they often want to talk about things that matter.
• Don't judge a book by it's cover. Introverts are not less confident than extraverts. Often times, they just don't have anything to say. That doesn't mean that they are struggling. 

What other things would you add when dealing with introverts?

What are all of your thoughts on this? 

Genre: Self Help/ Nonfiction 

Rating: 4/5 stars (see more on GoodReads)

Summary: At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking, reading to partying; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over brainstorming in teams. Although they are often labeled "quiet," it is to introverts that we owe many of the great contributions to society--from van Gogh’s sunflowers to the invention of the personal computer.Passionately argued, impressively researched, and filled with indelible stories of real people, Quiet shows how dramatically we undervalue introverts, and how much we lose in doing so. 

Other Book Reviews: A Man Called Ove // Go Set a Watchman // These Is My Words //  Intuitive Eating // Happier at Home // Happiness Project // Wild // Elizabeth Smart: My Story // Daring Greatly // My Accidental Jihad // Rising Strong 

Five Ways to Improve Your Self Esteem.

Self Esteem.
Before you all have sigh a huge sigh of relief, I want to tell you that this something that needs to be talked about. And it needs to be talked about often.
I like to consider myself a confident person. Yet, there are many times that I am quite difficult on myself. I am my own worst critic. I find that I am looking at all of the negative aspects about myself rather than positive ones. I, sometimes, tend to notice things about myself that other people don't even see. I am so hard on myself, and I see so many other women being hard on themselves as well.
This needs to stop! So, let's talk about what we can do to help our self esteem. These are five things I have found that have helped me when I am struggling with my confidence.

1. Embrace being alone.
Often times, I find that being alone can sometimes be damaging. Alone time can sometimes lead to negative thoughts. If I could say anything about this aspect, it would be that when you are alone, enjoy it. Spend that time to write, to ponder, and to grow. A confident woman is someone who can do things alone and enjoy it.

2. For every negative thought, give yourself five compliments.
As a child growing up, my mother would make me say five nice things to my brother for every one mean thing I said to him. I hated it. But now looking back, I think it's brilliant. We have this concept of negative "Self talk" that gets into our brains often. Every time you find yourself saying something negative or mean about yourself, automatically say five things that you love about yourself. It seems awkward at first, but I promise, it works.

3. Do something every day for yourself. 
Go to the gym, take a walk outside, go to yoga, read a book, write on your blog, cook, etc. Do something everyday that makes you feel good about yourself; something that you truly enjoy. You need to remember through your crazy lives of children, jobs, husbands, school, etc. that you need to do something just FOR YOU. Building those "happy moments"--that's what I like to call them, helps you become a more whole and confident person.

4. Do not compare yourself. 
This one is the most challenging, in my opinion. We live in a world that is constantly comparing--our income, our homes, our bodies, etc. We each have different bodies, different struggles, and different strengths. Do not compare your weaknesses to other peoples' strengths.

5.  Remember Who You Are. 
Remember that you are a wonderful person. You are loved by God. You have so many wonderful aspects about yourself. Even if you don't believe in God or a higher power, always believe that you are a special person with wonderful gifts and talents. Always remember that.

What helps you in being confident in yourself? 

Authenticity is Magnetic.

via pinterest. 

Sometimes I get criticized for being too honest on this blog.

Sometimes I get criticized for being too honest in real life. 

But, here's the thing. 

I value authenticity. 

I shouldn't have to apologize for being myself. 

I value are the real and genuine,

and I value people who are real and genuine and completely themselves. 

There is something so incredibly raw and refreshing about a person who doesn't try to be somebody they are not; someone who is comfortable in their own skin. 

One of my biggest pet peeves are people who just follow others.

I have learned that authenticity is something that is so important to me when it comes to my friendships and relationships. If someone isn't being authentic, I find I cannot connect or relate to them. It's as if I can see right through their insecurities or judgements or fakeness. 

It's almost like I can tell that they are trying to hard or not really being themselves, and I don't want to connect with them on that deeper level. 

I have had parent teacher conferences the past two days.

I had a parent tell me this evening, "You know what I love about you as a teacher? You don't try to be someone you're not. You are a fantastic teacher, but the students know that you are real. They know that you love them, that you support them, that you make mistakes, and that you don't take any crap from them. I think it's awesome." 

In that moment, her child became my favorite student. Hahaha. Just kidding.

But in all seriousness, it's true. 

I think one of the most important things we can be, as humans, is ourselves. 

If you are a genuinely happy person all of they time, be a genuinely happy person.

If you are an emotional person, allow yourself to be emotional.

If you are a loud person, be a loud person.

If you are an artistic person, be an artistic person.

I try to be whoever I am, especially in this whole blogging world. 

I try my hardest to be consistent, but I am not.

Some nights I just can't get to the posts or emails or comments or sponsorships or business requests.

And thats okay. 

If you are not a consistent blogger, that's okay. Be an inconsistent one.

If you are a craft blogger, be a craft blogger.

If you are a mom blogger, be a mom blogger.

If you are a blogger who writes about everything, like me, then do that. 

You do what makes you authentic and real and what works for you on your site. 

Guess what? It is YOURS. 

People love to read YOUR blog. YOUR writing.

Be authentic and real and people will keep reading. 

That's what I have found, at least. 

You will ALWAYS do something that others don't like. Someone is always going to be critiquing, criticizing, or disliking you, but that should not stop you from walking to the beat of your own drum (that's an idiom in case you are wondering. I talked about that with my students today #teacherlife). 

You do your thing, people. 

I got your back. 

From the wise words of Sheryl Crow, 

"If it makes you happy, it can't be that baaaaaad." 

A Letter to My Future Daughter.

Note: No. I am not pregnant. 
(Watch me have 5 boys, too. Ha.)

Thats me. As a youngin. White hair and cheeks. Oh man, and that elbow. 

My Dear Daughter,
As I was driving in my car today, I thought about all of my insecurities. Yes, I am a grown woman and I was thinking of all the insecurities that I still have. Because, even though I think of myself as a pretty secure, confident, and brave woman, I still have issues with myself, unfortunately. I wish I could say I didn't, but that's not true. Because I am not perfect. I try my hardest to be the best person possible, but I am by no means perfect. And although this may seem hard to believe, I am human. I make many mistakes. And you know what, that's okay. I want you to know that it's okay to have insecurities. That it's okay to not be perfect. That's part of living this life. However, I don't want that to deter you from still being a successful, confident woman.
I wrote this before you were born. I wrote this before I even knew you were going to exist in my life. I did this for a couple of reasons 1) So that I can look back on this and remember. 2) So that you can see a little bit into the "young" version of my writing.  3) How cool to think of a future child and what I would want to say to her (you!)
There are a few things that I want you to remember; a few things that I personally value that I think are important to your wellbeing, growth, health, and happiness.

1. You are beautiful. 
You may not be as beautiful as that girl you sit next to in class, you may be cursed with the Kuykendall woman's legs (you can blame your great grandmother for those bad boys) or you may not have the best hair (which, to be honest, I may be kind of shocked if thats the case. Your father and I have pretty damn…dang…. good hair). But that doesn't mean you are not beautiful. Each person has a specific beauty to them. It can be seen in their eyes, in their beautiful skin, etc.

2. Always remember to make your bed. 
Nona used to say that to me every morning. And it drove me nuts. But, you know what, she's right. (Yes, mother, I just admitted that you were right! Ha). Because, what I have noticed about making your bed is this: it makes the entire room look so much nicer. Sometimes, I even make my bed to lay in it. Okay, so maybe I am a little OCD, but I do think it adds so much to the cleanliness. And I can't get anything done in a messy house. It has to be clean before I start blogging, writing, or working. Along with this, I would add, "Always put something away in exactly the same spot if you get it out."

3. Don't let what others say about you determine your self worth. 
There will always be people who don't like you. And I don't say that to mean, but I say that so you know that you can't please everyone. You have so many gifts and talents and you can accomplish so much. There will always be people who try to discourage you, but you know what, (and yes, this is your mother speaking…) screw them. You can't make everyone around you happy all of the time. You do what you feel is best and you will thrive.

4. You are loved. Always.
If you decide that you want to live your life differently than me, if you decide that you want to pursue something that I forgot to encourage you to do. As long as you are making legal, smart decisions, I will love you. I will love you no matter what. That is not even an option. My love for you is not conditional, it is constant. Take that love and magnify it by a million. And that is how much the Lord loves you. And His love is perfect. He loves you through your mistakes and faults.

5. Do not let social media take over your life. 
You live in a world with social media beaming at you from very beck and call. I am currently almost 24 years old and I feel the weight of social media, the obsession even, in my own life. I can only imagine what your world is like. Please do not forget

6. Always remember to talk about your feelings. 
It's hard. I know. And you need to pick and choose who to express these feelings to. You can't just go around and tell everyone your deepest darkest secrets. But make sure that you can analyze how you feeling, and maybe stop and think about WHY you feel that way. There is always a bigger meaning for your feelings--sometimes it takes deep introspection to recognize and figure it out.

7. I am your mother first and your friend second. 
I will encourage, support and love you. I want to hang out with you. I want to go shopping and do girly things with you. I want to be your best friend. But, more important, I am your guardian. I will correct you if you do things wrong, I will scold you and discipline you. This doesn't mean I don't love you. I give you rules so you know boundaries. I guide you because I love you.

8. Form your own opinions.
There will be people all over pushing you to believe one thing or another. Whether thats church or friends or us or school or random people on the Internet. You find what you believe in. You make those decisions and be confident in that.

9. Get a college degree. 
I will do everything to support you in getting your education. But I want you to go after something you love and something that is practical. I want you to be an intelligent, successful woman who will offer something to the world. Use common sense. Research. Use your brain. Read. A woman who acts dumb is never attractive.

10. Be willing to try anything; be a well rounded person. 
I have this fear of doing stuff when I'm not good at it. For example, I kind of hate bowling because I suck at it. But when I go with your father, I have a good time because I can just make fun of myself and  just have a good time. Don't be that girl in PE who won't run or participate in sports because you are afraid. It's okay if you aren't the best, I just want you to try. It's okay if you like do to your nails, just don't be afraid to get them dirty. Be willing to try all different kinds of things.

11. You will fail. And that's okay. That doesn't mean you are a failure.
There will come a time when you don't succeed at something. You may, to be frank, fall (literally and/or figuratively) completely on your butt. Guess what? That's part of being human. Just remember to get back up. To never stop trying. If you make a mistake, which, you will, tell yourself you will do better next time and move on.

12. Try everything to be confident in the person you are.
You were given strengths. You were given weaknesses. You were given insecurities. Like I stated in the first paragraph, it's okay to have those things. What you need to do is recognize them and work them; strive to make yourself better.

13. Do not rely on boys to make you feel good about yourself. 
I hope one day you find a man who loves you more than life itself. I hope that he can support, love and treat you well. I hope that you will fall in love and get married. However, I do not want your world to revolve around boys. I do not want you to gain your confidence if a boy likes/doesn't like you. In high school, there were many boys who didn't ask me to dances or date me because I did not give them certain things that they wanted. And it was hard at the time. But my pride and virtue was more important to me.

14. Chick flicks are the best. 
Seriously. I will never not watch one with you. So, ya know, girls nights. Boo ya. Actually, well, just movies in general are the best.

15. Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself. 
No one likes to be around a debbie downer, or a girl who takes herself too seriously. Learn to laugh, joke, find joy int he little things. Life is about enjoyment. There are many hard things about life and there will definitely be difficult days, months even. But learning to laugh at yourself and with others will strengthen your relationships, make you so much happier, and much more confident. Plus, people who laugh are way more fun, don't you think?

I am proud of the person you are. You are so loved. I love you.

Your mama.