10 Things Young Married Women Who Aren't Having Babies Want You To Know.

Come on, guys. You had to know that something along these lines was coming soon, right? It's been awhile since I've really spoke about the things that frustrate me. (Is it bad to admit that there are quite a few things?) 
I am all about the real on this blog, if you haven't figured that out already. 
And there is something that I think needs to be said. 


"How long have you been married?"

"When are you planning on having children?"

I can't even tell you how many times I have heard these questions. I think people are, mostly,  just trying to make conversation. And I understand that. I am not offended by it at all. I am not going to change where I live or my religion because of it. Over the past few weeks, however, this topic has been on my mind.
Recently, I have had a few pregnancy scares. I hate calling them scares, because it has such a negative connotation to it, but, I told you I was going to be honest. So here is the honest truth: I don't want to be pregnant. This is not to say that I don't EVER want to be pregnant. Just, at this time of my life, that is not what I have in mind. Now, I understand that the Big Guy Upstairs sometimes has different plans. And I will follow with that plan wholeheartedly when the time comes, but my agency comes into play here and that's the truth. So, I was scared. I was scared that this next step of my life was beginning before I was ready. I was scared that I hadn't lost the weight that I wanted to before the we chose to start a family. I was scared that I would have to stop teaching.
And I felt guilty.
I felt guilty because I was scared.
Isn't that wrong?
I shouldn't have to feel guilty for feeling that way.
And I realized that the guilt that was overpassing me was a multitude of many things: the pressure I feel from my culture, the loss of letting go of one part of my life, etc.
That guilt then turned into thinking. A lot of thinking.
Which, has, then come here. My haven for my thoughts.

My last intention is to offend anyone who has decided (or not decided and got some surprise!) babies. I am sorry if you feel that way. Everyone gets to decide when, how, and where they want to have their babies. That is the beauty of being a human in this world. I think it is, also, simply wonderful. I am currently sitting next to my dear friend who is 21 who has a baby. Yes, that's young. But guess what? Good for her. I love her and her baby. 

There are so many benefits to having children young. Your body can recover so much quicker, you have more energy, you are not as set in your ways. I think young mothers are awesome. 

With that being said, I think it's time that us young married women without babies to speak up. Or maybe, well, I just want to speak up. 

1. We Ain't No Followers.
I would get mad at my students for the grammatical error if they wrote that. But, it just works right now, okay? Let me have it.
Just because there is pressure does not mean that we will follow it.
Yes, I am aware that I live in an LDS culture and thus means there is pressure to have lots of kids. Having children very young is more prevalent in the area that I live. However, I have many friends who are engaged, married and have young kids who are not LDS. I think that whether you are super religious or not, there is pressure to have children quickly.
I think it is FANTASTIC that these women, who are good, faithful, kind women want to bring children in the world. You all are doing amazing things.
I also want to point out that this pressure I feel isn't necessarily anyone's fault.
A lot of times I don't feel any specific pressure from one person. In fact, often, people don't even say things, but it's the pressure that I just feel from around me. I look around and see everyone pregnant and a little thing in my head, naturally, goes, "Wait…should I be doing that too?" I think it's human nature. But I have to remember that every family is different. And we don't have to start ours just because everyone else is.


2. Having No Children Does Not Mean We are Less Busy. 
I love my career. Being a 6th grade teacher, I spend about 50 hours a week, prepping, grading, planning in my classroom. I think about my "babies" in my class all of the time. I work my butt off as my job. I work my butt off in my church. I work my butt off on my personal self. I work my butt off to live a lively, worthwhile life. Just because there are no children in my life does not mean I just sit around and do nothing. I am very busy…it's just a different kind of busy.
One of my biggest pet peeves is not being taken seriously in my family. This is something that I have expressed to them countless times. I feel like, in a way, that people assume that I am less busy just because I don't have children. And it's frustrating. Yes, I understand that I don't understand the exhaustion that comes from having a newborn, or the constant worry about if your children are doing what they are supposed to. But I am busy with what I am doing in my life now. Isn't that how it's supposed to be?


3. We still like children.
Oh man. If you could only fathom how much I love children.
Every morning I have to say hi to the little ones at school because they are just so innocent and cute. They are so themselves and it's such a wonderful thing. I love my nieces and nephews, cousins, in laws, etc. So much that, in fact, some days I'd rather spend time with kids than adults.
I love babies.
I love children.
Lots of love.


4. Some Of Us Take Care of Other Things; Just Not Babies. 
Like I stated before, I am constantly taking care of my students often.
I take care of my puppy.
I take care of my young women.
I take care of my neighbors, friends, and family checking in with on a regular basis.
I take care of my husband (er, clean up after him!). Let's be honest, he's sort of like a kid, right?
I don't just think of myself all of the time. As much as it may seem that way, I don't.


5. Having Children After a Couple Years of Marriage Will Not Make Me a Worse Mother.
That's all I have to say about that.
Having a baby after 2 months of marriage doesn't mean you'll be a terrible mother.
Having a baby after ten years doesn't mean you'll be a terrible mother.
I think we all just try our best. I really do.
And I don't think us not having children now will deter me from being a loving, available, fantastic mother.


6. We can still be nurturing, loving women.
As some of you may now, I feel things so deeply. I love people more than anything in the world (and sometimes I can't stand anything less than people! But that's besides the point). I love my family, nieces, nephews, in laws, husband, doggy (excuse me…our puppy child….oh wait, we do have a child! I forgot!), my students, my coworkers, my ward family, my young women, so incredibly much. I am, naturally, a pretty nurturing person. Just because I don't have a baby to nurture does not mean that these qualities are not possessed in me. I show them in many, many different sources in my life. How wonderful that this is something that I can work on now, huh?


7. Mid Twenties is still young.
I turn 24 next week.
In Mormon world, that's normal time to have a baby.
In Nonmormon world, I should just be getting into a serious relationship; MAYBE thinking about marriage.
Guess what. I do what I want. And that's the beauty of it.
I'm young. I got many baby making years ahead of me.


8. The decision to have a baby is incredibly personal.
You don't know the reasons why people are not having children.
They could be struggling in their marriage, they could be trying for three years and you have no idea. Someone could be struggling with mental illness. There are a million different reasons why a couple may not have children. It is not our place to judge and it is not our place to even ask.


9. We are not selfish because we choose to wait to have children.
Some may, ask: "Well, do you just like…want to travel and stuff…."
Yes. Thats exactly right. T Money and I are SUPER young. We have our whole lives ahead of us. There are things that we want and NEED to do before we have children. I want to keep teaching. Tanner has six years of school left. We have a long journey ahead of us. We are in no hurry.
With that being said, I don't believe that makes us selfish. In fact, I think that makes us selfless in some ways.
I want to be an emotionally available mother.  I want to be available to my children in all facets. There are some things that I believe I need to learn before a little one is in my arms. I have felt that feeling from the Lord and from the knowledge of understanding myself. I am not ready. And what a blessing to know that the little one will come when we (God, Tanner and I) all know I am ready.


10. We will have children at some point.
And even someone chooses not to have them…guess what? That's okay, too.
I cannot wait to have the opportunity to be a mother. I hope one day that I can be the same loyal, hardworking mother as I am in my career.  I cannot wait to have children. But I don't think that anyone has the right to judge how or when someone makes that decision..
When the time comes, whether that being tomorrow or in three years or in ten years, I love that it's a personal decision between me, my husband and the Lord. And I will open my heart completely when that step comes.  (Watch….I'll be pregnant next month! Zing! hahaha).
But for now. I am so happy with where I'm at :)