Funk.

I just realized that I haven't really written for awhile.
And by writing, I don't mean nonchalant, petty posts such as the Bachelor and sarcastic humor. I am simply referring to an actual post with a speck of depth to it.

Yet, you know what is sad? I have found that I have gained more "followers" by posting about this "stupid" information. Don't get me wrong, I love it. I think it's hilarious to sit there and analyze the completely ridiculous inner workings of a guy kissing 25 different women (how sad, huh?).

But, I think that's what the problem is.
My priorities are a little of whack right now.

I went for a drive (love my drives) and just needed to do some thinking.
I think I'm in a funk.
I get in a lot funks, it's true.

See, the thing about me is that I function much better with routine. I do better when I have something meaningful and difficult happening in my life. I function better with consistency, because "consistent" isn't exactly a word I would use to describe my personality. So, I find every consistent thing I can in my life to counteract my natural demeanor.
But as I sat there the other night, in my bed, all alone, watching Grey's Anatomy...
 I realized something.

I am just going through life. I am not really living it. 

I crave to be in sunshine right now. I crave to go somewhere.
Even though I need routine in my life, I also need spontaneity. That spontaneity and fun is very important to me. And I never realized how important these "adventures" are to me.
It is important to me to find meaning in everything that I do.
Sounds dramatic, huh?
Oh you have no idea.
Because I am constantly finding meaning in things, it causes a lot of stress and anxiety and hurt feelings. Because every relationship that I have has to have immense meaning, I find that it wears on me. I take things personally, when I know, logically, that I shouldn't. I react in a way that does not coincide with a particular incident that happens. It's not that I'm completely illogical, it's that I simply follow my feelings and my gut.
And that is exhausting. It's tiring. And frankly, I am sick of it. 

I don't do anything half. Anything. If I decide to do something in my life I'm gonna do it--and put 110% into it. Which is a good thing, to some degree. And because of it, I know that I will succeed in my life. Yet, because of this wave of passion that flows throughout me, I eventually crash.

I love my job as a 4th grade teacher. In fact, I love it so much I find that I have let that be a crutch in other aspects of my life. I think I subconsciously thought, "If I become the best teacher I know how, everything else in my life will work out how it's supposed to."
But, my dear friends, that is not the case. Since the summer, my life has been constant teaching. And I, literally, mean constant. I eat, breathe, think about what unit plan I need to plan next, what child needs my help next. Which isn't a bad thing, right?
 But I think I have become so engrossed that I have forgotten a little part of me.

The part that needs to step back and breathe for a minute.

But, my friends, I am doing what I can to wake up tomorrow; to remind myself that it is a new day. That I get to take more breaths tomorrow and that I can remember that not everything is as big of deal as we think it is. In the moment, even though it may seem like the biggest trial--it all works out. Because, as cliche as it sounds, everything happens for a reason. And I know that I will keep being pushed in this life.
I know that the Lord is going to continue to stretch me; He's going to continue to push me, until I learn from my mistakes, until I learn to become the most well rounded person possible.
And in the meantime there are going to be a lot of tears.
There are going to be a lot of dramatic moments.
I can't help it. It's in my nature.

But, what it comes down to, is that, tomorrow is going to be a new day. And I can live it however I want.
I can start living and breathing in the way that I want.
How cool is that?
How grateful I am for new days.