Illness&Revelation

I was bombarded with food poisoning 3 am Saturday morning.

I have been lucky enough to never have this kind of experience.

Until now.

And let me tell you, it is not fun.

It's been a hard couple of days. Being sick is absolutely dreadful. Especially when having to miss your LDC retreat. I was looking forward to it so much.

For anyone, dealing with illness is never fun. However, for the past couple of days I have been on my knees (metaphorically speaking, of course, because my stomach has been in agony when in any other position than lying down) trying to get some answers in the meantime. Praying to heal me from this awful pain was the first blessing I had hoped to receive from Him.

My whole life, I have questioned this idea of whether I was getting answers to prayers from my own mind-- my own idealistic self-- or if it was the Savior answering. I have had serious questions that I needed answers to and I believed I received that peaceful confirmation. However, once I followed that feeling I had received, the outcome seemed to only turn out negative. Which then had me question whether or not I was truly receiving revelation from Him or if I was being a mere mortal making more mistakes (5 points for alliteration).

A part of me questions whether or not I am even worthy or special enough to receive that revelation. And then today, I pulled myself out of bed and attended sacrament. I felt as though I needed to go.  By no coincidence at all, at church, a quote was read. 

"Now I say that we are entitled to revelation. I say that every member of the Church, independent and irrespective of any position that he may hold, is entitled to get revelation from the Holy Ghost; he is entitled to entertain angels; he is entitled to view the visions of eternity; and if we would like to go the full measure, he is entitled to see God the same way that any prophet in literal and actual reality has." 

Bruce R. Mcconkie 1980 New Era Article

 One of the biggest issues of this time is the fact that we believe we should be entitled to so many things. Children believe that they should receive an Ipod or a cell phone at age 12 because every one else has one. We believe we are entitled to certain things because "it's fair." And this thinking is wrong. However, it is so interesting to me  that in this circumstance, we are ENTITLED to revelation. Being a worthy, honest, member of this church ultimately allows me to receive those answers that I find I am begging for on a constant basis. How comforting is to know, that I AM receiving revelation. And that it is not just my idealistic mind. 

The gospel has never come easy to me. I can attest to you that I know, without a doubt in my mind, that I believe in the Lord. My testimony is unshakable. And I have only been blessed by being a member. But there are certain aspects that have been difficult for me. Receiving revelation is one of them. I am naturally a very spiritual person. I feel things very strongly. My relationship with the Savior is pretty strong. It is not perfect by any means, but it is solid. 

So, with that being said, I had a realization today. (I love realizations--perspective brings such comfort). Another lesson was learned: the answers I receive from Him are real. And the negative experiences that appear after that answer are SUPPOSED to be hard. The Savior has given me that response so that I can learn from that confirmation. Just because He gave me an answer, doesn't necessarily mean it's the easy answer. He knows what is best for me. More importantly, He knows what I need to learn. When the Savior comforts us and gives a direction to go, He is not lying to you. It really is going to be okay because He gave me that "yes." 

And through those extremely difficult times (such as this weekend...and fairly often it seems to be recently), revelation can occur, no matter how you are feeling. Elder Holland has said, "You can have sacred, revelatory, profoundly instructive experience with the Lord in the most miserable experiences of your life — in the worst settings, while enduring the most painful injustices, when facing the most insurmountable odds and opposition you have ever faced."

The Lord is answering you; you just need to trust yourself (and Him) that things will turn out okay. Praying with "real intent" really means intending to hear the response and actually doing what the Lord wants us to do. A majority of the time, you make the decision on your own and the Lord will confirm it. Faith is action--that He has responded to us, and as long as you continue to trust, the Lord will bless you. Even if those times when the answer He has given you does not make any sense. 

We need to remember: If it matters to you, it matters to Heavenly Father. He is our biggest fan and wants us to succeed. He will answer. Just trust your instincts. He will step in if He feels He needs to. 

P.S. LDC called me when I was dying on my couch yesterday and yelled an screamed for me to get better. How wonderful are they? I love my second family. 

Also, my mother put me on the prayer list yesterday at the temple (she may or may not continue to put me on it recently ha). Hours later, I was feeling better. Not perfect, but nausea had dissipated minimally. Funny how that works.