I need to get this out. This is scattered, so bear with me.
It's been extremely difficult being back in the states, particularly Provo. I am doing fine now, but for awhile there, I was hating being back. I think it's a mixture of a bunch of different aspects.
I get frustrated when people complain about the mundane circumstances of life.
I just had this experience where people are fighting to stay alive, to survive on one meal a day, so when people complain because when they got a B- on a test, I want to physically hurt them.
It's difficult to come back and have everything changed. I have many friends getting married, the rest are in relationships or are out of town. I have new roommates (who are wonderful) but it's still a difficult change to come back from this experience and not really have anyone to share it with.
I am an idealist. Sometimes this is a blessing, but right now I feel like it's a curse. I thought I would come home, meet some hot boy, have a group of friends and live the summer dream. Instead, I find myself alone a lot and doing math. Which is okay. I have learned to become very independent. And I am very grateful for my education, especially after seeing how those kids ate every word up in the classroom. I have so many thoughts. So many things going on in my head, sometimes it's easier for me to just be alone and take it all in. I find that I cry at least once a day--missing Kenya, missing the people, taking in all of the experiences that I went through.
When people ask me "How was Africa?" How in the world am I supposed to respond?! 5 weeks of difficult, heavy, amazing experiences--how do you sum that up in one word? This may sound ridiculous, but I almost feel like I went on a mini mission. I was literally away from everything I knew. It was hot. I was walking a lot. I had these experiences that are difficult to talk about because the feelings that were emulated in Kenya cannot be exemplified here.
But life moves on. I take this experience, change the things I want to, and keep going. After all, that IS what the Kenyans would do :)
Sierra, I'm so happy that you got to have such an amazing experience where you were able to learn so many things. I'm sorry that sometimes things are rough because of the change, and yeah, Kenyans keep going. But that's what Sierra does to. You've always kept going, this time will be no different:) Miss you!
ReplyDeleteYou're right, it is like a mission. When you come home you find that nothing has changed, except for you. People can see it in you when they talk to you. But there IS no response to "How was Africa ( or your mission)?" Because there are now words. Mostly it becomes a private experience that can't be shared with anyone but God. Some people will understand to some degree. But your experiences are unique to you, because of who you are. I am happy for you and this amazing experience you had. People's pettiness will get less annoying over time, if you want it to. And you'll learn to just smile, because "they" don't really get "it". I hope I see you around this summer.
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