Realization.

People are always going to let you down.

(I'm sorry to start off so negative...but I didn't know any other way to put it.

Erego, the bluntness.)

This statement is one that has repeatedly come up in the past couple of weeks.
I find that I am constantly getting upset with those whom I love the most.
And the reasoning is not because of a certain time of month (sorry boys), or not taking my amino acids, or even stress.
I think it's just a brutal realization that others are human.
And with being human, comes many weaknesses.

I don't blame people for having weaknesses; I blame them for not working on them.

I get frustrated when people don't allow themselves to go to a deeper level.
I get impatient when those around me have so many issues and they aren't even aware of them.
I want to scream at them, yell at them, and then hug them--just to show them the intensity of feeling something; to prove to them that they need help.
I'm not perfect. I need help, just like the rest of you.
But here's the difference: I went to years of therapy to get that help. I went through an intense time of depression to reach a point where I can see what is really going on behind the surface.
Which is why I get annoyed when others don't make that effort.
Is it laziness? Is it naivety? Is it how they were brought up so they were never taught to dig that deep?

Whatever the reasons are (and I think it is D: all of the above) it ultimately leads to hurt. Whether on my side, or their side...someone always loses when you don't take care of your problems.

For example: My friend, Tabatha* had a roommate named Kathy*. Kathy is a sweet girl. She means well. She is clean. She is hardworking in school. She goes to church. Everything on the surface is perfect and fine. She "has it all together." But when she talks to you, she talks AT you, not with you. Everything you say to her is wrong, and she is always right. Yet, she is very closed off. She's quiet, so no one thinks that she ever says anything mean. Yet, everything seems to be a competition between Tabatha and Kathy--because Kathy seems to make it that way. She doesn't talk to them when its just them two alone, but the second some boys walk in the door, Kathy puts on her fake smile.
(*names have been changed for privacy)

Why? Why does Kathy do this?

Because Kathy has issues that have not been resolved. I know Kathy. She has very little self esteem. Her confidence is not up to par, so because of this lack of self growth, she acts in a competitive and rude manner. Because of Kathy's behavior, an open, honest, worthwhile relationship with Tabatha and Kathy can't appear.

I don't mean to be insensitive. In fact, the opposite always happens. I always care too much. I see the pain, the lack of self esteem, and I want to shake it out of girls. I see so many behind the scenes baggage, that I want to try to help them. When in reality, maybe the best thing to do is just step away.
Because the truth is, I can't change other peoples' behaviors. As much as I love others, as much as I want to help them see things that maybe they weren't taught to see (or don't want to) , I need to focus on making MYSELF a better person. So when push comes to shove, I can be the one to forgive, move on, and put a damn smile on my face.

People will let you down. But here's a secret: YOU get to decide if they let you down. We each have to make the decision to go to that deeper level, to think, of how we can continously grow. And if we make a mistake, we dust off our knees and get back. We can't change how others act; just how we react.

Here's another secret: The Lord will NEVER let you down. Even in times when we think He does. He knows exactly what is best for you. He puts you through the pain because He knows it will help you grow. He is grateful that you are able to dig deep inside yourself and find out what is truly wrong, who you truly are. He will be with you the entire way.

What people don't realize is that there is so much strength in being vulnerable.
(Thank you, Bachelor. You have actually provided me with some fragment of decency for this quote)

Be vulnerable. Find out what's wrong deep down. You are acting a certain way because of something that has not been taken care.

(Remember that when dealing with others. There is always a reason behind their actions)
The Lord will take care of you.
At least make the effort to try.
And hey, I'll be here if you need me :)


P.S. I almost died today walking around campus today. 12 DEGREES...REALLY, UTAH? It's supposed to get zero tonight, too. Oh, and add a mega wind chill too.
Awesome.