The Other Side

I know I have been blogging a lot.
Forgive me.
But when you are dealing with swine flu--mindless work seems to reek of sheer delightfulness. Homework seems to be TOO much thinking. And blogging...well...blogging involves opinionated venting. Now that is perfect!

So I'm going to vent.
Sorry.



Before I begin, I want you to look at that picture above.
First of all, how beautiful is that photography? It is by a guy named Rodney Smith. Fantastic work. It has a "secret garden-esque" feel to it. The setting in itself is amazing. And swings just make me happy. Therefore; it makes me feel peace and serene. Gah, superb!

Now that I have you in a pensive, deep moment--let me ask you these two questions
Why are people so frustrating?!?!?!
And why is it that the grass is always greener on the other side?

While I was sitting in Oregon this summer, I was SO EXCITED to come back to Provo (amazing, I know) and to come back to college life. I honestly had the greatest summer. I truly truly enjoyed myself and created the "Sierra" I think we all have been waiting for me to create and find. But i was constantly looking for something more. I think that is one of my faults. I am constantly looking towards the past or the future. At this moment, I just want to go home and have my mom take care of me while I'm sick. I want my friends who have known me since I was five to sit and talk with me, because I don't have to prove anything to them, or be someone I'm not with them. Yet, I know when I go back to Oregon--I'm just going to miss living on my own and being around people with good, core values. The song "I Keep Looking" by Sara Evans portrays my life perfectly (hello, this is me. OF COURSE a life story song will be incorporated)


Back when I was young
Couldn't wait to grow up
Get away and get out on my own
And looking back now
Ain't it funny how
I've been trying to get back home, yeah

When my low self esteem
Needs a man loving me
And I find me a perfect catch
Then I see my friends
Having wild weekends
Then I don't wanna get quite so attached
Just as soon as I get what I want
I get unsatisfied
Good is good but could be better

I keep looking, I keep looking for
I keep looking for something more
I always wonder what's on the other side
Of the number two door
I keep looking
Looking for something more

I have realized something. I have had a great epiphany and I am going to proclaim this ingenious statement:

We all need to live in the here and now. Live for TODAY. I look too much towards the future and what next thing is going to be sufficient. My life is wonderful. I need to savor the side on I'm now; not the side I'm going to be on in a year, or the field I was plucking in last semester.

And I need to get over the mistakes that I have made in the past and the way people used to be. I build up people in my mind, greater than they actually are. That might sound cruel but I have learned that people aren't as loyal as they pretend to be. I paint this fairytale friendship with girls and it turns out, people don't care as much as you believe. It may be a completely cynical and negative view on people, but people suck. Haha. The are frustrating, confusing, and selfish...yet thoroughly entertaining and fascinating. I don't know if I want to spend anymore time thinking about that.

So for now....I savor the good friends and family I DO have. I may not have a million friends calling me 24/7. I don't get asked on dates every night. I scare boys. But I know, the people who really matter are here. Right now. For me.
For now, Let's savor our lives. HOW GREAT ARE WE?!

♥