Current Life Story Song

Oh, Bon Iver, you know exactly how to speak to me.
I sobbed and sobbed while listening to this today.
It is absolutely perfect.
That piano. And those lyrics. chills.

Oh, my heart.

(bon iver- I can't make you love me)

Update.

Summer is over.
It is a rough feeling to say goodbye to it.
This summer, in particular, has been one for the books.
I had experiences that are difficult to put into words.
Kenya.
Oregon.
And most recently, I had the incredible opportunity to be in the delivery room of my newest niece, Holland Kay.
"
I will spare you all the gross details, but it was one of those "life altering occasions." I found myself pushing alongside my sister! The nurse was laughing at me because I was getting so into it. I wasn't much help, to be honest. But it was still neat. I found it interesting that I could almost feel her pain throughout the delivery. I cried the instant she was born. Maybe she'll like me more than Brizzy does since I was at her birth ;) It was AMAZING. Women are absolutely incredible (especially you, Lex!) The control, strength and pain that is needed for the birth of a child is unimaginable. I have a new found respect for my sister and other women.

I also had the opportunity to spend some time with all of my nieces and nephews. I love those kids so much. I don't have children, so I live vicariously through my sisters.

Here are pictures of my newest niece, my other nieces and nephews, the cabin, and some other recent good times. (You're welcome, Hillary. I'm doing this for you. and please ignore the quality of these pictures. a lot of them are iphone pictures.)

Look at those cheeks!

Lessons Learned at Home.

"It’s a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what’s changed, is you.”
-Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

When I was driving the 11 hours home to Oregon (normally takes 12--all time record right there), I was unaware of all the lessons I'd relearn while coming back to my roots. I've found it fascinating that sometimes life takes it course and quite honestly, I just have to hold on tight. Through the roller coaster of negative and positive experiences, I have found my take, opinion, actions on and about life in general, is different. And that has become even more apparent since I've been home. It's amazing what two weeks in Lake Oswego has done. It has reminded me who I was and who I currently am. Lessons learned recently:

-I don't like flakes. I never have. When someone says they are going to do something, they better be ready to do it. I do not like being disrespected. I am the kindest person you know, unless you do something that goes against my values. I have particular values that I hold dear to me. Loyalty is one of them. These values are usually left unexpressed in my life until they are violated by others. I do, in fact, appreciate abstract feelings such as love, loyalty, and faith.
-I have watched one of my best friends grow up exponentially. I am proud of her strength, her beauty, her personality. She makes a lot of effort in our relationship and I appreciate it more than she knows. We've been friends since 2nd grade, and it definitely has had it's ups and downs, but it's nice to be reminded that there are friends who can sit with you in the car and not say anything. No words are needed, because we know how each other are feeling, without explanation. I can be a mess, and it doesn't matter. Alyson, thank you for teaching me that people do, in fact, change. Best friends are just that: the best.
-It is amazing how much I put my family up on a pedestal when I am away. Do not get me wrong, they are wonderful and I love my family wholeheartedly, but they are not perfect. Yes, my parents do not know how to handle me when I am down. And that's okay. Because it has reminded me that I have gone through this emotional battle in my life, and continue to do so, on my own. Which is why I have become stronger. And wiser ;) I have learned that my future children WILL have issues, and I need to be open and willing to receive the help that is required in order for them to grow. Sometimes, my nieces and nephew say things that make me so happy. My sister, Lexie, is having her second baby girl on Tuesday. I get to be in the delivery room. I am so excited.
-I will always have to deal with immature people, even grown ups. I had an experience last night when dealing with a thirty-something woman. She was rude, manipulative, and unkind. It taught me that I am so grateful I do not deal with people in that manner. And that I don't really know why she responded in the way that she did. I never really know why people respond the way they do, but I need to explain to myself that I should never respond that way. No matter what.
-I have been struggling with a decision about a particular choir. Whether to return or not, what to do this upcoming school year, etc. It's been an extremely personal battle, but I am once again reminded that when I remove yourself from a situation, I see things way clearer. Sitting on my windowsill in my beautiful bedroom brings a lot of answers. A lot of tears, but a lot of good thoughts as well.
-I could travel. All the time. I could go every summer and travel somewhere. There is something inspiring about traveling this world. I learn about myself, about other cultures; I grow. I put myself in difficult situations. I want to live with the people and go through what they are going through. I was looking at pictures of Kenya last night (not a good idea) and it reminded me all of the lessons I learned while being there. I want to go through what I did in Kenya again because its almost like living in a fantasy world. I know that sounds weird but I don't have to be in my world, dealing with MY issues, I get to be in their world. Outside myself. To me, that is ideal. I love learning about people. I love learning about everything they do and believe.
-People's behaviors don't necessarily determine what kind of person they are. Their actions should determine who they are. You should not judge a person by their words, but by their actions. However, just because someone is acting a certain way, doesn't mean that person is actually a bad person. Does that make sense? For example, when I came home from Africa, I felt like my heart was in the right place. I had to deal with this while in Kenya with a particular person, but I thought I had learned from it. But then I started having issues with a girl that I know. I found myself getting frustrated, I just could not be around her. And then i realized: Her behaviors drive me nuts. Yet, it's not that I don't like HER, I just don't like some of the things she does. And I have to be able to differentiate that. It's hard to separate those two things from people. We think that people are annoying or mean, when in reality, those are insecurities that stem from themselves and that is why they are acting that way in public. There is always a reason why that person is acting a certain way. It stems from our insecurities. There are a lot of things about this girl that i really do like, but I have to be able to separate her behaviors with who she really is. Because it's insecurities, our trials, our mistakes and the things we do wrong, that make us act a certain way.
-I HATE saying goodbye. I try everything in my power to avoid it. I don't know if it's just because I don't like change or because I always get emotional. But for some reason, when I have to say goodbye to someone, I try to do it with a nonchalant attitude. I think what it comes down to is that I think it gets emotional. I am extremely sentimental, so when I say goodbye to some places, a part of me wants to hold on and go back. I was driving out of my apartment complex (UAC!), I have lived there for two years. I look back and I start thinking of all the memories. And it kinda makes me sad. But it's a good feeling to know that you are restarting. I don't like saying goodbye; I much rather have them just stick around :)
-There are certain places, no matter what is going on in your life, give you peace of mind. For me, that is my cabin at Crescent Lake.

I guess the problem I’ve always struggled with when I think about you is that I can never figure out if you’re a bad guy wrapped in a good guy costume or the other way around.

Listen.

I have started to notice something: How little people truly listen to one another. The other day I was watching a couple of friends having a conversation. It was a simple, friendly conversation--nothing too negative or horrific. But I started recognizing that they were all focusing on getting their own point across rather than having a real conversation. You know, when one person speaks, the other one listens and gives feedback, then the other responds with personal experiences. It amazes me that basic communication skills seem to be lacking in our society. Since Kenya, my awareness of listening has been heightened. It is become increasingly more important to me that a person possesses this trait of being a good listener. I have become almost excited when I find that there are other people out there who do include themselves into the "listener" category!
Now, I realize I am at fault here. Do not get me wrong, I am by no means a perfect listener. I was raised in a family where it is more important to be heard out loud, to make your point, than to listen. I love my family, but this act of listening is not a strong suit for us. It's okay, I am working on them :). And although this has been both an asset and a detriment in my life, it is what it is. It has enhanced my ability to provide feedback to others when they need it. It has given me the opportunity to speak my mind when others are too afraid to speak up. However, it has also deterred certain relationships because I get a little too into a conversation and overcompensate by speaking too often. And sometimes, others may back down when this happens. Instead of fighting back, they will go back into their shell and not say anything.
There are always exceptions. And this topic definitely has some. There are certainly times when we, as humans, need to just talk. We need someone to sit there and listen to us whine, complain, vent, or utter irrational, confusing, things in between our sobs. And that is okay. Conversely, there are times when we just don't WANT to talk. We'd rather sit back and listen and not say anything. However, as a general rule, I think we all could do a little better at listening (myself included).
I personally believe that there are three things humans want: to be heard, understood, and loved. One of the most difficult circumstances is when people are hearing what you are saying, but are not reciprocating the need for security or feedback in the conversation. It's sometimes hurtful when they are hearing the words that are coming out of your mouth, but they are not particularly listening to the meaning behind it. All we want (particularly women) is to look at someone while saying "no" but have the other loved one know you really mean, "yes." When that other person knows in the middle of a conversation what you are really trying to say. THAT is what relationships are about. When you reach that point when you know the other person is not only hearing what you are saying, but it is completely understanding, which includes honest listening.
The Savior is an incredible example of a good, well... let me correct myself, perfect listener. Haha. He is always listening to what you have to say. 100% of the time. He is not texting when you talking to Him. He is not pretending to listen while thinking about that person who didn't call him. He is there. He truly cares about what you have to say. He wants to know your thoughts, your trials, your struggles, your opinions, your questions, on everything. And he ALWAYS responds. However, it may not be in the way that we are particularly wanting. But he is responding. And he is responding in a way that is exactly what we need in that moment. Because let's face it, sometimes we are less aware of ourselves--sometimes He knows us better. But just like our every day conversations here on earth, we need to be ready to hear what the other person has to say. If you are going to talk with someone and you want an honest conversation, be ready to hit that curve ball they throw.
So I propose this: let's all work a little more on talking WITH each other rather than TO each other.

Oh, and for psychological purposes (people are more willing to read something if it has a picture than just writing itself) I give you another beautiful picture from Africa. This is of the little girls doing a tribal dance. They wear these congas as skirts.



What do YOU think?

All love,
Sierra.

In Kenya, Of All Places, I Realized That Nice Guys Win.

Hamisi. A cheerful smile and a good sense of humor can brighten anyone's day.

Mwambeyu. My family is sponsoring him now! He worked so hard. He loved his family so much.

Fredrick. A gentleman.

Dennis. He loved basketball SO much. he played every single day after school for hours at a time. He taught me that being passionate in something makes you stronger.

There is no correlation between Kenya and realizing that nice guys should win. (However, above are some men that taught me about what it means to be a good person.) I just finally pinpointed that WHILE in Kenya. Some amazing insights occurred while I was there. Some which were currently happening in the village, relating to the people and my life--and some other lessons that were taking place at home. Funny how removing yourself from a situation helps you completely clear your head. So for this, I dedicate this to you GOOD guys. Thank you.

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion is that girls often overlook what is right in front of them. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks.I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to make out with this complete jerk now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The problem is that old behaviors tend to override those wants that we truly need deep down.
I have this problem. I am guilty of it. I like Mr. Social. I like Mr. Non Committal. I like good guys, they just are "not ready for a relationship." it amazes me that as I go back and read throughout my journal entries, I notice the trend of a new boy after a new boy after a new boy. And although I may be doing something wrong, it is mostly because they are not the "nice guy" that every one of us girls need.

So, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming. Now...if I could just find you, that'd be great.

Things I have Realized/Learned From Being in College...

Nothing sucks more than that moment when you are in an argument and you realize that you have officially lost.

I totally take back all of those times when I didn’t want to take a nap when I was younger.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

I will do almost anything for free food.

I don't care how hot you are. If you are a guy, and you continue to act like you are God's gift to earth--I will continue to ignore you. On the other hand, if you are a gentleman...I don't care how different we are. I will go out with you.

Map Quest really needs to learn how to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

I don't care if you don't even know each other, have a fling, are dating, engaged, or married...DO NOT make out in front of me while I'm sitting in Cafe Rio trying to eat a delicious pork burrito.

I can’t remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

It actually is really not that difficult to lift your hand slightly to put your turn signal on.

Looking cute does not help you pass your classes. Pretty sure I only get ready half the time, and I'm doing just fine in school, thank you. And no, that guy still has not asked for your number because you got up at 5 am to curl your hair. (However, I do fully understand that its nice to get ready. Do not get me wrong. But EVERY SINGLE DAY? really?)

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work or school when
you realize you are not going to do anything productive today. And that’s okay. Stay strong.

Sometimes you can BS your way through a class. Hakuna Mutata.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes next after Blu Ray? I really don’t want to restart my movie collection…again…

I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my 10 page essay that I swear I did not make any changes to…

I hate it when I miss a phone call by the last ring, but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and then goes straight to voicemail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run into the bushes?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance on that day. Waste of my time to get ready and actually put make up on.

Sometimes I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was a little kid and suddenly realize that I had no idea what was going on back then. And then I wonder why my parents allowed me to watch it in the first place…

I would rather try to carry 10 over loaded plastic bags in each hand than to take two trips to bring the groceries in. Walking up the stairs TWICE? No thank you.

How many times is it appropiate to say “what?” in a conversation before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t understand what that person said…?

I love the sense of teamwork when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk who is tailing you to cut in front. Stay strong, my fellow Utah drivers!

Is it just me or do high school students get more dumb and more skanky each year?

It doesn't matter how exhausted you are, it is nearly impossible to fall asleep before midnight.

It sucks watching everybody around you getting married. It sucks. I don't care who argues that.

Dressing up never gets old:
(Exhibit A. At Harry Potter premiere)

Life is AWESOME.

What have you learned from college?

Nothing More Beautiful.

arry potta

(That was my attempt of writing "Harry Potter" in a British accent if you didn't catch the title)
Okay, so...I am not a Harry Potter freak like some people (excuse me, "Expert", is more of a politically correct term, right? I don't want to offend anyone. Because you know, I'm a nice person). I have gone to some midnight showings, I have read the books, and I envy those Hogwarts kids. BUT. This last movie has, quite literally, changed my life.
I'm not sure if it was just due to exhaustion from the midnight showing or the emotional state I was in (oh wait, isn't that always?) but I absolutely, positively, completely fell in love with the last movie.
I thought the quality of the movie was fantastic. The cinematography, the acting, the whole "film-ography" aspect of it was marvelous. It's too bad that all of the other movies weren't up to that caliber.
But what I thought was even more incredible was all of the connections to the gospel it possessed. I haven't read the book in a very long time, but my dear friend Allie said the book contained even more connections. (Guess that means it's time for me to re read all of them? Who's in for a book/movie marathon this summer? Guess it ALSO means I now need to buy all the books and movies.)

I think I cried three times through out the movie. And got chills probably 79 times.
Especially, and not only, during the parts where the gospel was so strongly yelling at all of us.
Parts that specifically stood out to me:
-When Voldemort had his huge group of followers and they were about to attack Hogwarts. I got chills because it made me think of the war in heaven. This moment when all of the characters stood together in pursuit to defend Voldemort was so powerful. They all worked together, they put all of their past behind them, and fought against evil. Just as we, today, have to fight against the powers of Satan. It's amazing how powerful a pure, honest, strong, group of righteous defenders can be. (Go Christians!)
-When Harry Potter sees his mother in the "Resurrection" part. Just as my church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, believes--that we will one day see the people we've lost in heaven. At one part Lily, Harry's mother, says to him: "We will always be with you." Despite the slight cheesiness of this part, I completely lost it. Because it is true. The people that have past on, are with us on a daily basis. They are giving us strength, teaching us things, and being our biggest cheerleader on the other side. And when Harry realizes that he has to die, he is okay. Just as we should be okay as well because families are forever and eternal life is forever.
- When Voldemort finally dissipates (awesome special effects at that part btw) and Harry Potter finally wins in the end. Motto: Good ALWAYS wins over evil. Always. The Lord always wins. There is something so triumphant and inspiring when the evil eventually loses. You want to stand up and cheer. Just like in life, when we do not allow Satan to take control, we feel empowered when he finally leaves us alone.
"Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity." I just realized how huge this Harry Potter culture has been in my life. I read the first one in fourth grade. And this phenomenon is my era--it has continued on until two nights ago. It's okay, you can make fun of me. I still love it.
Oh, and J.K. Rowling will be getting baptized soon.
AND. The part where Hermione and Ron make out--so perfect. And still so weird to see. Nevertheless, the timing was startling and AWESOME. I'm all about kissing. (So weird to see them many years later too. Nice job on making all of the characters look old!)

On another note... Matthew Lewis (Neville Longbottom) is all grown up and is hot. I already covered this, but I thought you should be reminded that he is still good looking from the last time that we saw him. I STILL call dibs too. See for yourself here.

P.S. Pictures from the midnight showing coming soon...if Meredith sends them to me...cough cough.

Yes, Please.

Both of these songs are on repeat.


Ryan Adams: Come Pick Me Up



Helen Stellar: This Time Around (IO)