I am stressed.

work. (and the constant worry that I am going to get fired. eeeek)

school. particularly MATH. ew. Including: tests, papers, honors program, homework.

church calling. ward activities director. thanksgiving dinner/talent show.

choir. LDC. performances up the wazoo.

workout. counting calories and trying to lose some el-bee's.

taking the test to get into my program 7:30 am on Saturday.

figuring out my study abroad program this summer.

I might die.

[Oh, and I have to wake up in 5 hours for a high school seminary morningside that my choir is singing at. Ask me if I'm in bed yet...]

(Missing Fiji right about now)

AHH.(need some help from the big guy upstairs ASAP).

Perfect.

Forgive me for the constant blog updates.

Things have been on my mind a lot recently (well, actually, what's new?)

Today, especially, was an incredible day. I can't NOT share this story with all of you.

My choir, Latter Day Celebration Choir (LDC), an auditioned group at the Orem Institute of Religion, is the most incredible opportunity I've ever experienced.

Today, I had to give the devotional. Everyone in the choir is assigned to give a quick message and sing their testimony at the beginning of class.

I almost peed my pants from nervousness.

It was incessantly only my mind for numerous days.

Last night I had all the sheets prepared;I was ready to give my message. This morning I woke up and got the impression to throw all of that aside and just go with the flow. I did that.

....It was not smooth.

Yet, I talked straight from the spirit. I spoke exactly what my heart felt. And amidst some teary eyes (no, I did NOT cry thank you very much. I did get close though), I spit it out.

Then I began to sing "Abide With Me Tis Eventide."

I was so nervous. I shook a little. I avoided eye contact.

Then once I looked up and saw my incredible fellow choir members' smiling faces, I immediately calmed.

I sang everything that my heart has ever felt.

I sang the sadness I have felt in the past years.

I sang all the anger, frustration, loneliness that has molded me.

I sang all the emotions I feel!

I sang about how I know that the Lord is always listening to our prayers.

I sang about the peace that comes from calling out to Him when we are weak.

I sang my testimony of Jesus Christ.

I didn't sing it perfectly. But that was not the point. I wasn't trying to sing better than anybody else in my choir.

I sang from my heart.

I became relaxed and calm.

And the spirit took over.

I don't even remember how I sang, I just remember feeling the incredible spirit.

It was wonderful.

Tears were shed by many choir members. The spirit was so strong, I could only smile.

Rehearsal today was so much better. The spirit took over and we automatically all sounded better. Br. Eggett even noticed the difference (which is huge in itself).

It is amazing how much music makes a difference. And more importantly, it's fantastic to see, feel, and hear the difference when the songs are all about the Lord. When you turn your heart, your musical talents, your technique to the Lord, the spirit will take over and make it perfect.

Oh, and last night I prayed and prayed for a long period of time for this devotional to go well.

Just another indicator that the Lord does, in fact, answer prayers.

Today reiterates WHY I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.It reminded me why the Lord put me this choir.

Music, the spirit, and love change lives.

Falling for Fall.

(Me and kindred spirit. We were dressed as Siamese Twins for Halloween. We decided to fall into a pile of leaves while conjoined. Win.)

I officially love FALL.

There is something so exquisitely pleasant, so unfathomably beautiful about all of the colors.

The mountains here in Utah are incredible.

Everyday as I drive home, I notice the glorious splendor of the amazing landscape that surrounds me.

Although I dislike the lack of green (Holla to the OR), autumn here in Provo makes the mountains all green, the trees colorful and overall quite magnificent.

With a slight chill in the air, it has snow on top of the mountains as well. I adore the mountains when snow appears on them--it makes them so much more majestic (I don't, however, like dealing with the stupid snow. ugh)

And for a brief time period, I am appreciating Utah's decor.

I love

the crinkling of the leaves that have fallen off the trees onto the ground as you walk to school.

the trees full of orange, maroon, red, green colors.

the slight chill, but still with the sun shining. A nice, fall feel incorporating a clear blue sky.

being able to wear all my cute sweaters, hoodies, jeans, etc!

curling up at night and watching movies (except I lack that whole male thing...tear)

warm fires. Warm blankets. Warm hearts.

that Fall smell. Yea, you know what I am talking about.

thanksgiving&halloween...slowly moving to Christmas time. Love that feeling.

hot cocoa. Apple cider.

late night talks with friends.

afternoon fall walks. Sunday fall drives.

colors. colors. colors.

the beginning of christmas music. (in choir and elsewhere)

BAKING. mmmm food.

etc. etc.

Happy Fall!

(see you next year. hardy har har)

Peace&blessings&gratefulness. ♥

Happy Halloween?

Remember when girls try to look all sexy and cute on Halloween?

Well that's exactly what I DIDN'T do this year.

I present to you my very ungirly, exponentially dorky, unsurprisingly hilarious Halloween Costumes this year.

dork.

Costume #1: Hick.

Wif da boys.

UAC Annual Ward Halloween Dance Party

(that I planned. Glad that's over)

hick&aurora.

party animal.

costume #2: SIAMESE TWIN! ha.

model shots beginning NOW.

sleep.

surprised.

conjoined?

love these pictures. This one time we decided to jump into a pile of leaves. together. while attached. fail.

makeup.

Costume #3: Pirate.

mid air.

gazing at my fellow choir members who can SING.

Yea. I also wore Maria's Aurora outfit to work. (There's a picture of that somewhere...hmm...) and a tutu at another party.

Can you tell I'm a little indecisive?

You are welcome.

Hope your Halloween was as dorky and fun as mine.

Ladies, You Can Thank Me Later.

READ THIS.

or click this:

http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/worthless-women-and-men-who-make-them.html

Amen, brotha.

This is perfect.

Who Knew?

(Yes, that is me)

I got two letters from Tanner this week.

Who knew that letters from your missionary could bring such an ecstatic feeling?!

I peed a little from the excitement.

Just saying.

Oh no. I really have become 'That Mormon girl', huh?

Ew.

Mac Attack.

Another Birthday.

Another Sister.

Still SO special to me.

It is Mckenna Ainge Michel's 29th birthday today!!

Things I love about my big sister:

Her love (perhaps, obsession) with her dog, Baxter. Also, her love for children. Mckenna has a young heart. She loves everyone, and particularly feels a connection to childlike aspects; such as dogs and little kids. She is so good with them as well. She relates to them on so many levels. heh.

(She is the culprit to my newfound obsession with dogs).

Her constant energy. The girl has more physical and social energy than anyone I've ever met! She constantly wants to be going. She's a freakin ball of fury! But I envy this aspect of her. I have social energy, but not half as much as her. Because of this, she is SO FUN. There is never a dull moment in the life of Mac. She makes every situation so fun. Every time I go and visit her in San Diego, it's ALWAYS an enjoyable experience.

Her big heart. She has such a love for everyone around her. She truly means well in all of her endeavors. She never judges, and loves openly. When she gives presents for special days, they are always meaningful. She puts a lot of time and effort into gifts, cards, and with people in general.

Her skinny, hot bod. I don't know what happened, but she got the good genes. I envy her skinny little body and her natural beauty. She hardly wears any makeup, but is still beautiful!

Her advice and sister love. Mac is such a good listener I can call her whenever and complain about anything. And although she will always think of me as her baby sister, she is so easy to talk to. I can tell her anything without any reservations. I can be myself around her.

She's little Miss Fashionista (as my mom calls it: hoochie mama! haha). She is a perfectionist as to what clothes she wears (well in every aspect, really). She a knack for what looks and good and is a good shopping partner. She's lived in California for too long :)

Her ability to laugh and have a good time. She is always willing to laugh in a situation. When we all get together as a family (despite the dysfunction) she'll find a way to laugh (amidst the drama ;)). Especially in her cheesy tone. Let's be honest, she's not the funniest one in the family ;) but like the typical Ainge, she appreciates some good humor :)

Her ability to read people. She has reeled me in with brain typing as well. She's brilliant. School has always come really easy to her. She understands people in a way that others can't fathom. She just gets them in a completely nonjudgmental way.

Her love for music. She is such a gifted musician and pianist. We both have a sincere love and need for music in our lives. She has good taste in music as well.

Happy Birthday, Mckenna!

I love you so much. I can't wait to see you soon. Thank you for your love, guidance, and fight. You're an example to me in so many ways.

Have a wonderful birthday, SIS. xoxo

YEEEEE.

I will be seeing her in less than a week in Salt Lake.

Words can't describe how excited I am.

And all I know is that I'm still breathing. All I can do is keep breathing.
*Keep Breathing: Ingrid Michaelson

Oh Ing, your words and music are perfect.
I'll see you soon.

Dig.

[written awhile ago. not directed towards anyone currently in my life.]

Forgive the "deepness" (no pun intended.)

In the midst of towering birch trees,

a chill wind blew.

Did you know as you stood on our frosty mess that you

discovered my weakness?

You. You were my fault.

You were heavy.

I fell into the ditch of games.

So next time,

Please call before you dig,

So I can warn myself; prepare for how

deep the hole will be.

How many of us have been dug out?

Taken into someone's arms, then slowly let go.

Fallen into the ditch, then left there all alone.

You broke me down, then dug me out.

I'm putting the pieces back together.

Next time,

walk away before you throw me into the ditch.

You want me. Then you don't.

Make up your mind.

This trapeze is making me fall.

This ditch too is deep.

Dig me out before I let myself wait too long.

I've waited around for you for too long.

You haven't dug me out.

It's my turn to dig now.

It's taken hours of tears,

weeks of work,

But now,

I have finally...

dug you out of my life.

THAT girl.

I'm sitting here on my couch in his sweatpants and sweatshirt. Wearing the watch he gave me and the necklace he hand made.

The tears have finally stopped.

After an hour.

I told myself that I would NEVER be the girl who sent a missionary off. I avoided dating pre missionaries for this exact reason.

But yes, now I am THAT GIRL. Awesome.

I said goodbye to Tanner tonight.

He is getting set apart to be a missionary at this exact moment.

He will be serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for two years in Villahermosa, Mexico.

I didn't know it was going to be this hard.

I was warned; and I ignored them all.

I am a mess.

My hair is everywhere.

I will continue crying here pretty soon, I'm sure.

But I know that he will be an incredible missionary.

It's just hard to say goodbye.

For two years. Seems like such a long time.

It's okay, though. I got two years to conquer the world before he gets back.

I am so grateful for his hard work, his example, and his courage to go out on the mission field.

I'll see you in two years, Tan Man.

My super hot cowboy ;)

P.S. I hate bittersweet feelings like these.