The Language of Loooove.

(You need to say the title like luhhhhhve. Just FYI).
Well, Tanner and I have taken the Love Language Test about 5 million times. Never heard of it? Well, then, you are not a real blogger.  It is a book called "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I read it a long time ago. I did this because, ya know, I was in many serious relationships and wanted to know how to best woo my suitors….
"Words of Affirmation" has always been my love language. And now that I am married? Yep. Still the same. I am so grateful that I married a man who affirms me when I am struggling with self doubt and insecurity (because believe me, marriage brings out a lot of those!)
Tanner's LL is Quality Time. Which, well, is kind of difficult, considering he is in full time school and works full time. But, he now has a new job working with Epic Relays and gets to work from home so I will get to see him more!! In fact, I may get sick of him sometimes ;)

I'm just grateful that I married a man who laugh at me when we are laying in bed and I start doing acronyms to keep me from being anxious. I am grateful for a husband who will just lay there and watch a movie and not say a word cause I'm "not in the mood to talk." I'm grateful for a husband who validates me, which is something that I have lacked in my life.
T money, you da best.

Here's to showing all of our love languages. Cause, like the book said, "Whatever the quality of your marriage, it can always be better."
Ain't that the truth!

Side note: I have been reading "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown. Well, actually, listening to it on audiobook in my car, but basically the same thing. It is AMAZING. It is about loving yourself and dealing with shame. I will do a post on it later, but it truly is so helpful. One of those books that just speaks to me. Ya dig? I am on track with keeping up with one of my New Years Goals to consistently read at least one self-help book, whether to do with mental health or marriage. Boo ya. I have kept that one for a month. Wooooo hooooo! 


**linking up here 

This is a Post About Dolphins.

Sorry to disappoint everyone, but this is not Sierra. It's her husband Tanner and I have something to say!

Okay people, look!
              I am not the tree-hugging, or activist type of person. I do, however, have strong opinions about a lot of things in this world. I have just found, in the past, to be easier to keep them to myself or only express them to people in a conversation. I do not attempt to be in anyones face or tell them how they should feel or see things via the internet. Recently, though, however I have been fighting an urge to share this with people and I just can't keep it in anymore.
  Something is happening in the world that I don't feel is okay. There are practices that occur in certain parts of the world that are down right barbaric and a disgrace to the nature of man.

Dolphins are being slaughtered and sold in japan yearly. My assumption is many of you have seen the documentary called THE COVE. I saw this movie and it has stuck with me ever since. Over the past few years, I have been following the activist group called SEA SHEPHERD that most people have found out about through their TV show on Animal Planet called WHALE WARS.  This show is about the epic battle between this group of people and their attempt to shut down the Japanese whaling fleet, to keep them from killing and slaughtering endangered whales in the Antarctic. They do many more things just what is shown on Whale Wars. They patrol coast to stop illegal fishing with cooperation of the local governments and right now they are in Taiji, Japan monitoring the annual dolphin hunt. In this hunt they slaughter dolphins for their meat and capture more to be sold. They do release dolphins back into the ocean, but day after day they herd more dolphins in and the capture and slaughter continues.

One of my purposes of posting this today is to raise awareness about what is happening. This is only one city that does this. A similar practice occurs in the Faroe Islands. In the Faroe Islands they herd pilot whales and kill 800-1000+ each year. I understand that for these people it is tradition. At one point it probably was a necessary practice to survive. That was hundreds of years ago. In local times in each place where this occurs there is no reason for this to continue. I understand that this is someones job and they are able to provide for their families this way. For them it is a normal part of life. It is easy for us to look in and say wow you are horrible people to kills whales and dolphins like this. I am not a vegetarian, I eat meat, that is not what this is about. I am sure an argument could be made for the way animals such as cows, pigs and chickens are treated on meat farms around the world. That is a whole other issue. The thought of these intelligent beings such as dolphins and whales that live in family units and have relationships, tight bonds, and many marine biologists believe that whales and dolphins even have their own language. These intelligent beings show the ability to feel and understand in much more complex ways than a dog or another animal. The way they are taken, stolen and or slaughter is purely barbaric and an abomination to the human race. I am going to end my rant and let you discover for yourselves that something needs to be done about how dolphins are being treated in Japan and other parts of the world. Okay, okay I am getting off the soap box. Like I said earlier I am not an activist nor do I want to force anything on anyone I just feel strongly that something needs to be done. I hope I don't sound like your cliche "save the animals" fanatic and if I do well oh well. We do need to save the dolphins and whales.

Please visit  http://www.seashepherd.org/  to see what is happening and what attempts are being made to stop this disgraceful practice.

Also if you have the stomach I suggest you watch The Cove. It will open your eyes to what is really happening

Thanks for hearing out my rant.

If you have the stomach for blood and mistreatment of animals then scroll down. You will see how horrible this annual event is. (photos taken from various websites I do not claim ownership nor do I take credit for the following photos).

Come one! Come All!

Hello!

All of you "Avid Runners" and health freaks (I know there are a lot of you who read my blog) --LOOK ALIVE. 

T just recently started working for a company called Epic Relays. This company was started by my brother in law a few years ago. Essentially, what they do is they put on three races throughout the summer: Logan, Utah to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, Portland, Oregon to Eugene, Oregon, and finally, one in Colorado as well. Its a 12 person team relay (each person runs about 3 legs). All of the races are exceptionally beautiful and it is such a fun event!!!! 

There are a few ways that you can get involved. 

1- Form a team. You will need a team captain who coordinates everything (team captains get a really neat gift just for being team captain) there are 12 people per team so grab friends, family members co-workers etc. You are even able to form a corporate team if that is something your work is willing to do.

2-Volunteer: Each team needs van drivers and people to help out. Also the race its self needs volunteers to run the checkpoints where runners switch.

3: We are always looking for sponsors and companies to partner with. If you or your company is interested in a sponsorship there are a few options we can discuss. We are looking for samples for swag bags. We put your companies name on our t-shirts and on other material just for donating samples or product or for monetary sponsorship.

If you are interested in forming a team, there is a very probable chance that you will get a GREAT discount. This race is so much fun. The best thing about Epic Relays is that it is popular, but not overly packed so its not overwhelming, but still fun!  In fact, I would call it quite "Epic." :) 

Dates for the three races this summer: 

Oregon: June 20-21, 2014 Rocky Mountain Relay: (Colorado) July 18-19, 2014 

Cache-Teton Relay (Logan to Jackson Hole) : August 8-9, 2014

For more information:

Send me an email or contact me via twitter, or Facebook. I have worked as a volunteer and ran on a team in the past and it is a really fun experience. 

It would be fun to see a bunch of bloggers running in one of these races this summer. I will be at the Oregon and Utah races for sure this summer volunteering so we could party :) 

See you on the road!

Bloggers--if you are interested in posting about Epic Relays, you may be eligible for receiving merchandise and possible discounts for the race. Let me know if you are interested. 

All photos courtesy of Epic Relay Facebook Page

//A Photo a Week// {Week 3}: Squinty.

Photo via Instagram

I have been a sicky sick mess the past few days. And for those of you who know me, know that I am nooooot a happy camper when I am sick. I don't have a lot of tolerance for myself or others when I can't even breathe out of my nose. But, my husband has been a champion. As usual. 

I love so many things about this picture: my squinty eyes, tanners glasses, tanner's family in the background. They all represent us. The real us. The imperfect us. All of our realness is apparent. Yet, we still love each other.

Ain't that the best? 

MTV Cribs: Newlywed Style

Tanner and I spent this past long weekend deep cleaning our apartment (so fun!)
Now, something you should know about me is that I am a clean FREAK. Like, I sometimes freak out if Tanner leaves his socks on the floor (don't judge me). So my apartment is usually clean; that is something that is important to me. I cannot function with a dirty or unorganized area. (Which, by the way, does not match my personality if any of you are wondering ha).  I'm sure this will change once I have kids :)

We must have cleaned too much this past weekend because Tanner and I are both sick. So, we will be spending our Friday evening lying in bed, trying to heal our lovely bodies. SO FUN. I won't lie...it's a little more fun being sick WITH someone rather than lying alone all dead. ha.

Anyway, I just realized that I never posted about our very first married apartment! I have had so many people asking about it. I love it. We live in a beautiful town, in a nice, quiet, safe neighborhood with awesome neighbors and landlords. I figured since it's been almost 6 months since we have lived here, I should finally give you a sneak peek.

Here is a glimpse into our crib, yo. (See what I did there?). Keep in mind: we are poor newlyweds (quick question: When do we stop becoming "newlyweds" and become just married folk. 1year? 2 years? when we have kids?). So everything in our apartment is either a) a gift b) stuff/pictures from our reception or c) garage sale. Hey, I did pretty good decorating despite our lack of mula! (Just validate me  okay? Especially since my brother seems to think that social media only exists since people want validation! ah ha! A blog post on THAT later, Landon!).

kitchen.

Love this key holder/chalkboard where T leaves me sweet notes :)

Above our front door. So when I slam it when I'm mad, I know we're still married. hahaha. 

family room.

washer/dryer & extra space.

reading corner.

rustic vintage painting job by T money himself. 

guest bathroom.

Guest Bedroom and Office

The most comfortable bed you will ever lay on.

Our bathroom. Love the blue! 

PS. come play! We love visitors!!! (Only if I know you. Obviously. No creepers allowed). 

Jennifer Lawrence Gets Her Own Post.

Okay, so I love Jlaw. Just like the rest of you do.
She is so fun, pretty, funny, a good actress, and so real.
She says the funniest things and I want to be her best friend.
Just like everyone else does. blah blah blah.

But, as I was driving with T the other day, I had another rant happen (pretty typical).
See, the thing is, Jlaw makes comments like these:

Hilarious, right? I know. I know. You just want to hang out with her everyday.
Here's the thing.
Everyone talks about Jennifer Lawrence and how great she is because she is always making comments about being a "real woman" and how she is considered big in Hollywood so she's "normal."

But, she's not. Jen, baby, is still a skinny little thing. And that is totally fine. 

But it bugs me that we live in a world that Jennifer Lawrence is considered obese.

In fact, it pisses me off. 

And as a side note, it makes me mad that she can get away with saying things like that, because she IS still skinny. She can make comments about eating whatever she wants and asking about food because she still is quite small. And she is still considered "Sexy" because she is still small. What if a woman, who, let's say was a size 14 made that comment? Would she still be considered sexy AND funny? JLaw may not be a size 2, but she still is skinnier than the average woman. We forget that she lives in this world, this "magical hollywood world" where her size is "too big."

What happened to our world? 

What world do we live in where Jlaw is considered obese? Are you kidding me? I'm confused why she can get away with making comments about weight and food because she is STILL skinny? Let's make her a size 14 and then let's see if she's still sexy to every man in America. 

I do bikram yoga. Long story, short, yoga in a sauna. I suck at it. I just learned how to touch my toes. But as I look around the room, I can't help but compare my body to the other skinny, flexible, six pack--ab women who do all of the poses perfectly. But then I remember those women have been doing it for a loooong time. And you know what I love most about  the atmosphere? It is a personal journey. And everyone is so encouraging. Even though I am not the skinniest person in the room--in fact, I usually have the biggest hips in the room-- I feel so comfortable in my body. I feel strong. I workout at MY speed and stretch myself to whatever feels best for me. I feel good about myself in the room. 

And isn't that what it's supposed to be about? Feeling good about your body? I won't go into detail, but I received a letter the other day regarding my weight. I was hurt on so many levels. When I went on birth control back in June, in a matter of one month I gained 25 pounds. I have stretch marks all over my body. I look in the mirror and want to cry sometimes. Since then, I have been doing everything to try to get that awful weight off, but it's difficult. Needless to say, it's a battle. 

 I have been trying everything to be skinny. And you know what I realized the other day? I don't need to try everything TO BE SKINNY. I need to try everything to be healthy, to love my body, no matter what my jean size is. I don't need a letter to bring me down. And I don't need anybody else's approval or advice. Yes, I am curvy. Always have been. Yes, I am bigger than I was in the past. I am working on it. But, you know what's important? The fact that there is more to me than my body. I am an intelligent, talented, hardworking, loyal, fun person. Because I struggle with one aspect in my life does not make me any less inferior than the woman next to me. 

I will not let the image of women that the world has defined for us affect how I feel about myself. And I hope that you won't either. 

It is important to be healthy. It is important to exercise. It is important to be happy. Those things are all important to me. And should be to every woman. And I am doing those things. 

What more do you want? I will never have skinny thighs. I will always have hips and a butt. And yes, I would love to lose those 25 pounds. And I will work to get there. But if I don't…you know what? I'll be okay. I promise. And guess what? So will other people. 

Rant. Over.

But, hell, what can I say? I still want to be best friends with JLaw. Who doesn't? 

Disclaimer: I'm sorry if I offended some people in my use of the term "skinny." My intention was not to bring down people who are "skinny." Everyone has their own body and I know some girls are just naturally built that way. And you are beautiful for that. Just know that I use that term not to offend you, but to simply state a matter of fact: that we should be healthy and love our bodies for health, not size. 

Q&A: On Depression

Happy MLK Day! No School. WOOOOOO. I am taking a much needed day to myself: bikram yoga, cleaning out my car, watching the Bachelor (of course) and maybe doing some reading. I have big plans to rejuvenate and have my alone time. Last night, I had my brother and some friends from my hometown over for dinner to celebrate my brother's birthday and it was fun. I was happy that we got to bond and spend some quality time with people who I have known forever. Nothing better than catching up and seeing old friends. I've had a great weekend celebrating birthdays of friends and brothers, a lot of yoga time, cleaning, and making sure I feel rested. (Hey, I socialized this weekend, okay?! I'm improving!)

Last week, I posted about a podcast that really affected me positively when it comes to my depression. I am so grateful for the positive feedback I received. I hope you all took the time to listen and/or read the quotes about it. I have received a lot of questions about my experience with this "issue"so I thought I would open it up for some questions. I loved the questions that I received. I hope that these responses will help. Enjoy. :)

Nature usually helps :)

I have really really bad anxiety, at times I've felt it was up to the point of depression, but who knows. Anyways, it effected my marriage like crazy during the first year, until we figured everything out. Has it effected your marriage? How have you handled it up to this point? Are they any strategies you use to help you? 

I am really happy that I receive this question. Why? Because it's a tough question for me to answer. And it really made me think. Often times, anxiety and depression go hand in hand. And I would be lying if I said that it hasn't affected my marriage. But it has, unfortunately. But, things have gotten better. Like you said in your question, it has taken us 6 months to kind of figure out how to deal with this. Unfortunately, things like anxiety and depression don't just affect the person, but others around them too: family members, friends, spouses. At this point, the best thing that T and I do is he allows me my space. He lets me process my emotions and gives me my space. When I am ready to talk (and sometimes he has to force it out of me), we sit and talk. I tell him how I am feeling. And I am so lucky that I married a patient, loving man. Who pushes me when I have been sulking too long, but also allows me to feel the way I feel. The best strategies that we use in our marriage is honestly…we talk. A lot. I am incredibly honest with him when it coms to everything. I let him know when I am angry, either at him or myself or someone else. I tell him why I think I am feeling this way. This has allowed an open dialogue between us and I think it has helped us a lot. But, like I said, we are no pros. We are still trying to figure it out too :)  


Is there more than one type of depression? Which one do you suffer with? 
I am SO happy someone asked this question!!! Often times, people confuse all different types of depression and there are different types.  There is Major depressive disorder—also called major depression. This is what I suffer from. The symptoms of major depression are disabling and interfere with everyday activities--even the smallest activities that include eating, getting out of bed, etc.  The best way I can explain this kind of depression is, it comes back repeatedly. This is often the "depression" that people deal with their entire life. Where it goes away and comes back, differing on separate time periods. Minor Depression—also called dysthymia. Dysthymia is mild, chronic depression. The symptoms of dysthymia last for a long time—2 years or more. Dysthymia is less severe than major depression, but it can still interfere with everyday activities. People with dysthymia may also experience one or more episodes of major depression during their lifetimes. There is also Seasonal affective disorder, which is where depression that begins during the winter months and lifts during spring and summer. (Often, people with Major Depressive Disorder, deal with this as well). 


What do you do to get out of your "funk" or when you are low?
This is by no means scientific, but I allow myself that time to be down. I still get up and go to work and do those things that are necessary for me to function. But when I am in a spot that I am so low, I give myself ONE DAY to spend some time "sulking" or whatever you want to call it. I take that afternoon after school to nap, go for a walk by myself, take a bath, watch my favorite show on tv. But after that day, I try everything possible to make sure to stay busy the next few days. The best way for me to get out of my funk is to stay busy. But that is just me personally. Everyone has different ways they cope with it. I do think it's important that I allow myself time to feel what I feel. To allow myself to be down, but not be down for too long, if that makes sense. 

What is the most helpful advice anyone has given you when it comes to dealing with your depression? 
BABY STEPS. Often times, what people don't understand is that when people are at their "low points" the thought of doing all of those things that need to get done in a day, just makes them want to curl back up in their bed. And the best advice I have ever received is to just take things one thing at a time. Today, make yourself get out of bed and go to work. Tomorrow, make yourself get out of bed and go to work and go for a walk. When you take one thing at a time, it allows you to slowly progress into getting more done in a day, and being happy about it at the same time. 

Do you think you will ever stop having depression?
Honestly, no. I thought I would for awhile. I went a long time feeling awesome. I had bad days, but not super low periods of time (we're talking weeks and months, not just days). I think that this is a battle that I will face for the rest of my life. That is not to say that I will never happy. I am happy a lot. I laugh a lot. I truly enjoy my life a lot. But these depressive periods will come back--they always do. And every time is just as hard as the first time. Which is exhausting, believe me. But, I have realized that this is one of my trials in this life. And I will be okay. And as long as I can accept that, I know that I can make it through. 


I hope this helped. I hope it didn't make you depressed :) I hope you know that I am not an emo person, but this is just a struggle that I think everyone can relate to--whether they know someone or they experience it themselves. 
Sometimes I sing to myself, "Don't worry… be happy…." Ha! 
xoxo. 

If You Really Knew Me...

A long time ago, I posted one of these. I think it was about time that I bring it back. This is probably more for me, than you all. Nothing better than really getting to know people though, right? Enjoy!

If you really knew me, you'd know: 


...I may be the least flexible person in my bikram yoga class. Yet, I love it so incredibly much. It centers my chi, ya know? #wheremyoregonhippiesat

…If I could be famous, I would. I would leave everything and go be an actress or singer. Not even for the money. Just so that I could do either of those two things.

…my career as a 6th grade teacher literally gives me more purpose than you can imagine. yes, I hate waking up in the morning. But those kids give me so much joy and meaning.

….my family frustrates the hell out of me. Eh, who's doesn't though, ya know?

… I am the dorkiest teacher on the planet. I crack jokes CONSTANTLY. And most of the time my 6th graders laugh. Yet, sometimes they tend to just look at me with a very concerned look. This is entirely because my jokes are so incredibly witty it is beyond their intelligence, of course.

... I don't do my hair. Ever. In fact, I think that this may be causing an issue. With who? I'm not sure. But maybe I'll start straightening or curling my hair one of these days. K, all I'm saying is that 7 am monday-friday is too early for a girl like me. This girls likes…no, NEEDS her sleep.


... I watch the Bachelor so that I can psycho analyze these cray cray girls and brain type them and they can't get mad at me. Like my friends, coworkers, family, etc. do….

…I feel incredibly inadequate at blogging parties. That's all I have to say about that.

… I lived in Africa in the summer of 2011. I miss it still. Every day. Thanks to this trip, I now want a black baby. But, ya know, that can't really happen since my husband is blonde and blue eyed. So am I. Unrealistic expectations is what Africa gave me, I tell ya.

…if I were to get a tattoo, I would get one on the inside of my wrist saying something bad ass like "change the world" or something cliche like that.

….I think really inappropriate things are funny. And really stupid jokes. Like this. I almost died.
It just about killed me.

… I'm really emotional. SURPRISE. WHO KNEW. 

…I peed my pants bowling one time. Dead serious. 8th grade. I stepped up to bowl and I fell completely backwards on my butt. I was laughing so hard I peed my pants. Not even embarrassed. It's fine. I had a lot of friends then. 

…I could probably watch You've Got Mail every day. You think I'm kidding… When The Cranberries comes on as she's walking down the New York streets…ahhhh best moment ever. (Speaking of which, someone stole it, or a misplaced it (probably the latter) and I haven't watched it for months. I'm dying a little bit.)

…I miss singing and bonding with my dear friends in LDC (Mormon Choir) so much it hurts sometimes.

…I got married almost 6 months ago. Part of me feels like it was yesterday and the other part of me feels like time just flew by. Marriage has taught me a lot about myself: my strengths, my weaknesses, and all of the good and bad between. There definitely have been some hard days, but like anything worth it takes hard work. 

.. I love anything vintage classic. Home decorations, clothes, etc. My entire wedding was based off of this love (see above picture). I used Geanne Genevieve Vintage Event Rentals and I LOVED them. It was the perfect fit for my wedding and so incredibly cheap. All my Oregon homegirls looking for this style for a wedding, party, etc, look her up. Her website is here. She was the sweetest girl in the world--awesome to work with. 

...I have suffered from clinical depression since I was 14. I am not ashamed of it; nor do make it seem like it's no big deal. It is something I struggle with constantly. Come read my most recent post on it.  

…I got a booty that doesn't stop. Literally. That's why Beyonce and I are best friends.

…I want to live in San Diego when I grow up. Which has me question, when does "grow up" become…. "grown up". Cause I'm technically grown up, but I'm not grown up. So when do I get to grow up and be a grown up and live in San Diego? Make sense?

…Sometimes I look at memes when I'm sad and literally laugh out loud to myself. This is a normal occurrence.

…I am a pinterest addict.

…I married a man who is the most patient, kind, and loving person on the planet. He is not perfect by any means, but I honestly believe the Lord placed Tanner in my life for a reason. He deals with my crap and loves me in spite of it. (and he writes me sweet things like this!)


……….I don't have anything else to say. Til next time we do this.
(Which will probably be in another year cause I'll most likely forget)

//A Photo a Week// {Week 2}: I Hope They Call me On a Mission.

My sister in law, Kimberly, left today for her 18 month LDS mission to Tulsa, Oklahoma. 

I have dated Tanner, my husband,  since 2010, and wrote him his entire mission. During this time, I stayed in contact with Kim (his sister). We also live ten minutes from my in laws, so I have become quite close to them throughout the years, especially this past year. I am so grateful for Kimmy; for her friendship and love. She is going to be a great missionary and I am so excited for her adventures. 

We went out to Heber and Park City the other day to take some of her missionary pictures. It was a fun day of bonding; she looked all cute in her little missionary clothes. I love the look and feel of Park City. It is so classy, fun and beautiful with all of the colors and little shops. 

Sigh.

It makes me want to go on a mission. Slightly jealous of her :)
And yes, I am aware that we look like. It's kind of creepy how much more I look like my sister in law than my own sisters. 

A Photo a Week // Week One

A Post That Everyone Needs to Read.

Depression Podcast: Conditions and Complexity
Depression Podcast: Causes and Cures

images via pinterest

I have wrestled with Depression since as long as I can remember, as many of you know (more on this here). I do not let this define me or change who I am. It is not all of me. Yes, depression is a part of me, but I do not define my self worth or personality by this struggle. This is such a prominent problem in our world nowadays, and yet, through all of the things that people have heard of about this, they don't really UNDERSTAND. Depression is difficult because it is so incredibly hard to understand unless you struggle with this disorder, but I wanted to share some very insightful quotes to help you "get it" a little more. (Listening is much better FYI--they are quite long, so take some time to sit down and listen--I listened to this at the gym! Ironic, eh? Haha!).
I love how realistic Sammy Rhodes, motivational speaker, is in this podcast. He is a motivational speaker. And he's funny. I love how he just tells it how it is. His honesty, humor and realism about this makes it so relatable and so incredibly true. Enjoy.

Below are helpful quotes from the podcasts that resonated with me (and will be incredibly helpful for you all to read just to understand what it feels like to deal with this):

(Note: "You" and "they" and "we" refers to people who struggle with depression, not you as the reader)

{Podcast 1}: Conditions and Complexity 

What Depression Feels Like: 

(quotes from people)
+"It felt as if he were being violently ripped out."
+ "One thing I have learned between addiction and depression: depression a lot worse. Depression isn't something you can get rid of. You can't get clean from it. It is like a bruise that never goes away. 
+There are people who love God and feel depressed. You do not need to be ashamed for feeling depressed. Jesus felt depression in the Garden of Gethsemane."
+One thing that people with depression struggle with: Am I depressed because I am not doing certain things? Or am I depressed because I am doing certain things?
+Part of the struggle with Depression is this: You have to get your mind right. But how do you get your mind right…if your mind isn't right? Ha. 
+Causeless depression cannot be reasoned with. 

What Depression Affects: 
+Depression affects our feeling, our thinking, and our doing. It affects everything. 

+Feelings: It brings about an innumerable amount of overwhelming feelings. 
*Sadness: an overwhelming feeling of just feeling sad. 
-I remember thinking: What is wrong with me?
-I was incredibly sad for no reason, and yet, I was so drawn to sad things. 
*Anger: 
-It can be moments of explosive anger but it's more of a "crockpot anger". It simmers…always underneath the floorboards of your life…
- This can be shown like this: You easily feel resentment and are irritable over dumb things.
*Worthlessness
-You long to be fully known and fully loved, and yet you are incredibly skeptical that that can be true of you. That anyone can ever really know you, or really love you, and that includes God.
-You feel unloved and unlovable. Nothing can pierce that. We long for something to pierce through it, though. So what we do, we look for things that make us worthy; that make us stand apart. Longing for something to make us feel okay about ourselves.
-One of the ways you fight worthlessness is to know that you are worth it to God. That your worth comes from HIM and not what sets you apart from your fears.
*Panic: panic that you will not ever get better.
-You feel paralyzed. You don't know how to not feel anxious. 
-You are constantly overestimating the threat and underestimating your capacity to deal with it. 
*Suicide
-We grow so weary of being a burden, that leaving this earth seems like the only thing to do. 
-People feel as though they are living a "living death" so death does not even change their outlook; heaven just seems like an easier road.
-Depression is something that is so much bigger than just a spiritual sphere; it is a very painful condition that we experience as broken human beings in a broken world. So please, do not belittle this illness. 

+Thinking:
*Thinking in Extremes:
-You think in extremes. You are either a complete success or utter feeler.
-They are complete perfectionists. They are "should"ing all over themselves. You think you "should" do this, you "should" do that--constantly letting yourself down if you don't do those things.
-You have got to learn how to laugh at yourself if you have this condition.
-When someone tries to encourage you, you have a shield that just blocks it right away (depression's odd filter)  For example: When someone says "I love you", you hear a voice in your brain says, "i'm worthless. You only have to say that because you have to." Somehow all words of blessing get turned backwards from their mouths to your brain. 
-A thousand praises, but one criticism completely undoes you. 
*Mind Reading and Fortune Telling: You think you know how people are thinking, you think you know what God knows. You make things up in your brain about what other people are saying or thinking… 

+Doing: simple things are hard: 
-Things like going to sleep, getting up in the morning, getting a little exercise. 
-You do unreasonable things. You tell yourself you will be in your bed at 10 and then if you get in at 10:05, you automatically think you fail. 
-You find it hard to keep in touch with people, to return a text or call. You withdraw.
-Po need safe people who invite us into things. Someone who gets their own brokenness, but gets that Jesus loves them. When you get that, people with depression will open up. 

+Depression is a disease that needs to be fixed. It is an illness that can be helped. Not solved but helped. 
+The brains of depression patients have different functions. These chemicals are depleted in their brains. We don't know near as much about the brain as we do about other parts of our bodies.
 +As christians, you always hear that if you're not doing what you should be doing, than you will feel this depression, which is incredibly infuriating to those who struggle with a biological depression. That is not always the case; there are times when you have done nothing wrong, you just feel it.
+Avoid dogmatism and seek humility.
+A Multifaceted problem demands a multi faceted solution: Counseling/therapy, medicine, AND spiritual guidance are all needed to get better. ALL THREE. 
+Medicine helps me lift my head above the clouds so I can see things more clearly. There is nothing wrong with medicine. It's not a magic bullet, and it's not gonna solve all of our problems, but it will help. 
+Let's take away the stigmatism of counseling!!! 
+we became christians because we admitted we were messed up! 
+I think everyone should be in counseling. 1) You are broken. And even if you don't know what your brokenness is, go to counseling and figure out what that is! 2) You need to learn to talk about your brokenness. 3) Counseling can give you tools to deal. 
+Never let people with depression feeling ashamed for feeling the way that they do. Listen, listen listen (way more than you speak!) 

Question: How do you deal with finding "comfort" in depression?
-I admire people who are very honest about their struggle with wrestling with this. The Lord uses those of us to deal with depression to help others. It's comforting to remember that people who struggle with depression are sometimes the most thoughtful, sensitive and caring people. There is something so powerful about sitting down and saying, "Listen, I am broken. I need Jesus."


{Podcast 2}: Causes and Cures
+Pretty much, all of us will wrestle with depression and anxiety due to something that has happened in our lives, that is more situational. Situational is more reactive.
+But others of us are naturally more pre-disposed to it, which is more clinical. This tends to be more native and indigenous.

Possible Causes of Depression: 

Possible Cause: Stress.  

Possible Cause: Faulty Thinking 
+Faulty thinking that could happen to people with depression:
"To be happy, I must be liked by all people."
"If i make a mistake, it means I am worthless."
"If someone disagrees with me, than I am not liked."
"My value depends on what others think of me."


Possible Cause: Sin.
 Areas of direct disobedience. Your heart is not drawn to the Lord.

Possible Cause: Genetics/ Predisposition
+If my body can fail me, if I have diabetes, etc. can fail me…why can't depression fail me? Could it be that something might not be working right in your brain, just like something in your stomach can not be working? There could very well be faulty "wiring.

Possible Cause: God's Will
+We get depressed because it is God's Will for Us. How can we say that it is God's Will for us to suffer? Why don't we change "why me?" to "Why NOT me? Why not this? Why not now?"
+If my life becomes a source of hope to others, why not me? 
+Because of this struggle, you will display faith to a faithless world, hope to a hopeless world. You were given this trial for those reasons.

Cures: 
Medicine: 
+Medicine is not the only cure, but it is a crucial part in the cure. What do you have to lose by trying it?
+Medicine does not work sometimes because people use it as the ONLY thing to help them. It is supposed to be one of the steps, not the only step. .
+It can be a helpful tool to explore.

Routine: 
+Get up at the same time, go to bed at the same time. Going to bed at a good hour every night is huge.
+Read a chapter in your book/scriptures before you go to bed.
+one of the hardest parts of depression is that I only do what I feel like doing, and I don't do what I don't feel like doing. Which is a recipe for a disaster. 
+Routine is important BUT DO NOT BE A PERFECTIONIST ABOUT IT. Allow yourself some leniency sometimes. 

Relaxation: 
+Watch an episode of a show with your roommate that makes you laugh.
+You need to be in touch with your body. Let your body relax. 
+Laughter helps fight darkness. It unfreezes pride and unwinds secrecy; it makes men forget themselves and focus on something greater than themselves. 
+The Lord gives us humor in the means of hope. Do you think we are gonna laugh with Jesus? Yes! I think so. Sometimes one of the most spiritual things you can do is laugh.
+Go outside, be active, play sports, exercise. But, again, don't be a perfectionist.
+Know what kind of rest you need. There is a difference between resting and numbing.  

Repentance:
-It is the kindness of God that leads us to repentance. It is seeing His heart.
-With all of these struggles with depression, I have not loved Jesus so well. But He has loved me so well. Time after time. In the deepest darkness secrets. I have nothing else for you except for Jesus. But that's really all you need. He is with you and is loving in incredible ways. 


+You need to be patient with people who are on the outside of your illness but still love you. Be as open and honest of what you need and want from them. Your friends will fail you. The only person who won't ever fail you is Jesus, so always remember that. But be willing to talk and communicate. You are free to say, I don't want advice, that you just want to talk.
+In my marriage, a way that can help me deal is that we joke about me being dramatic. We remember that our marriage is about holiness. We do counseling. We communicate. We talk about it, etc.
+don't find your identity in your depression. Learn to live with well with it.

Please, if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or just want to know more…feel free to comment, email, tweet me, meet in person or call. I am more than happy to discuss this with anyone, especially my personal experience. I am not afraid to be open with you. 

xoxo. 

I want to do a post on answering questions regarding depression so please, ask anything! Don't be afraid!