I'm taking a break from the {Wedding Series} to update you on life! (OH MY GOSH, A POST WITH WORDS WRITTEN ON IT?!)
I don't do well with change.
In fact, others may not really notice cause I tend to be good at faking it. In fact, a coworker of mine said to me the other day, "Wow! You have so much going on! I can't even imagine all the change and stress. But you are handling it so well, you don't even act like you are affected."
I just smiled when she said that.
Oh, how little she knows me.
See, it takes me a long time to get used to change. I adapt fairly adequately because, well, I haven't really had any other choice throughout my life. Moving colleges, states, graduating from college, first year teaching, it was all a huge transition. And I came out "on top", if you will.
Throughout life, many transitions will happen: Going to college, finishing college, getting married, having children, raising young children, raising older children, grandparents, etc.
And right now, my friends, is another one of those transition phases of my life.
Marriage is wonderful. I love it. I love my husband. So much.
But, like most changes in my life, it has been kind of...different. Hard is not the right word, because its not hard. Being with Tanner is not difficult..it's just another change I have to mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually deal with. It's sort of a lonely time. I know, so many of my single friends are thinking, WHAT. how can you possibly be lonely? But, in all honestly, it is. I see Tanner less than I did when we were dating/engaged. Our schedules are really off and he works late a lot of nights a week. I won't lie, I kind of like it sometimes. I get to have that much needed 'me' time to basically do whatever I want: Go the gym, unpack the apartment, watch a show, take a nap, blog, work in my classroom. But after awhile, it gets kind of lonesome because my social life isn't at it's "peak". Even though I am an introvert, I love to do fun things and I am super outgoing. I like to connect with people and form relationships and I feel like a lot of those are gone now that I am married. My single friends don't really wanna hang out with me or they think I am busy with my hubby (which is true! and completely understandable) but its just kinda weird. Because my single friends are doing things different than me right now. I am not going out to FIND a husband. I am going out to just be with my girls and have that girl friendship. And then all of my married friends live a good 20 minutes away, which is not very far, but not exactly a quick trip. Or they have kids and aren't as flexible. Plus, I am super busy so I don't have a TON of free time so our schedules don't meet up. It's just a weird spot. I want to focus on my relationship with my husband and my new job and "new life" but I still need that friendship and it's lacking. We have to find newly married friends with no kids and that's about it....the "friends" situation is just very different now that I am married. We are in a new family ward and its great. People have been very nice, but let me remind you: I have never lived in a family ward in Utah. And it is very different than what I am used to. The people are different. It's just adjusting to all of that.
We are also trying to furnish an entire apartment. Now, I know this seems like a futile problem. And yes, it probably is. But when you have absolutely nothing in your apartment and are trying to function in everyday life, it's really hard to find a place to relax. It's important to me to come home and feel like I am home. So it's frustrating when I am working all day, running errands, trying to fit into this new 'transition phase' and I don't have a "home" to come home to. It currently has boxes everywhere and I feel so unsettled. So, this will be a feat very soon!
All the while, Back to School Night is tomorrow. And school starts on Tuesday. Let's add to the list that I am changing grades (now teaching 6th grade), in a new classroom, in a new school, and a new district. So I have spent all summer getting a classroom together and planning an entire new curriculum. I have had teacher meetings all week (the worst). Er, I mean, not too bad.... Ha. I am not ready for the school year to start. I feel very unprepared. (remember how I also got married this summer too? Kinda difficult to plan a classroom and a wedding at the same time!) But it's definitely an exciting time of the year. I am excited to meet my students and have the beginnings of school in my favorite month ever. September is beautiful and the kids are still excited about coming to school (plus the sun is still shining when I wake up in the morning..which is awesome!). Can't wait to meet my hormonal 12 year olds tomorrow!
So, I am sitting here on a Sunday evening, trying to find a musical to watch with my in laws (which is IMPOSSIBLE to find..what has this world come to!) and I am exhausted. I have been getting up at the butt crack of dawn everyday. (that's the politically correct & mature term, of course).
I am a little anxious for tomorrow. I am a little anxious about my apartment. And I am a little anxious about dealing with marriage. I am frustrated. I am grumpy. I am tired. But it's all good.
Oh, the lessons to be learned.
Good thing I have crushed ice at my apartment to help me get through.
Here goes nothing.
Happy School Year!
