I recently have been very stressed.
No, you don't understand.
This is what I have going on in my life:
{Graduation} (One week! Wow!) Even though I have been "out of college" for a year now and have my own classroom and I feel like I have been graduated for a long time, it still feels weird to be officially done with college. Despite the fact that the next stage of life freaks me out a little bit, I can't describe how excited I am to stop eating Top Ramen 5 days out of the week... Haha.
{Finding a Job/Interviews}: This past year I have been an intern teacher--meaning I was a first year teacher, but I had a mentor who helped me from August-December. I had my own classroom and whole shindig, but it is not a permanent job. Sucks, huh? Now here comes the brutal part: I Have To Find a Long Term Teaching Job. I don't know how many of you are aware of the teaching world out there but THERE ARE NO JOBS. (Oh wait, that's everywhere, huh? Thanks Obama..eeek too soon?) I had an interview and the principal told me that there were 160 applicants for that one position! 160. ONE POSITION. Meaning the fact that I got an interview was huuuuge. Yet, the official job offer has yet to come. And it is getting a little draining and discouraging. I see all of my friends who were student teachers being offered jobs, and I am a little confused why I feel like I'm the only one not getting a job (even though I know I am not the only one!). Filling out applications, emailing principals, dropping off resumes, having interviews is an exponential exhausting (2 points for alliteration) activity and I am starting to feel worn down. I would love the opportunity to have job security in the fall.
{A really serious relationship} Yea. That's how I'm going to word it. Tanner. He's amazing. I love him so much. But the process of falling in love is stressful and very time consuming. Wonderful, but stressful! I blame him for my lack of sleep! (He's gonna read this and roll his eyes!). There are particular activities that are involving him as well coming up so...yea...that's been stressful. And that's all I'm going to say about that (2 points if you can name that movie).
{Teaching Those Crazy 9 & 10 Year Olds}. Remember how I am in the process of interviewing for jobs? Yea, well...I ALSO HAVE A CURRENT CLASS TO TEACH FOR 5 MORE WEEKS. This is a very stressful time of the school year. End of year testing starts next week, the finalizing of the year, etc. etc. The kids are starting to get antsy since they know the school year is almost over. It's funny, it's as if they believe they can act completely out of control because the school year is over in 5 weeks. Funny how that works. They have been...quite the challenge this week. Let's just say I went home almost crying today because they were so disrespectful and difficult. This is so not like them. I love my students so much. They are so funny, bright, and entertaining. But this week has definitely been one for the books. The awful, horrid, books that is. I had a little chat with them about respect and "enduring to the end" (Without bringing religion into schools..duh...except my students started singing Popcorn Popping today..soo that whole church & state line is kind of dim here in small town Utah) . Yea, so that's been fun. Ya know?
{That Thing Called Weight}: I'm gonna say it. And all of you are going to hate me for saying it. But I am not happy with my weight. Yes, I am not fat. But I hate the fact that when I look in the mirror I see only negatives about myself. And yes, I could be healthier. No, I will never be a size 2. No, I will never even be a size 4. Heck, the last time I was a size 2 was 8th grade. But, I know that I can be healthier and feel better about myself--that is what is important. So, I have started this diet. And I hate it. I hate dieting. I hate the way that it messes with my energy and emotions. I hate how I feel when I'm on a diet. But it's stressful continuously watching what you eat, counting the calories, making sure you're excersing every night. It's a full time job. I've tried a lot of different things. So if anyone has any ideas of a diet that allows me to not starve myself, have the energy to still work out, and make me feel good? Please..I'm all ears.
{That Other Thing Called Emotions}: I am very emotional person. If you did not know this, WELCOME. It has been something that I have dealt with for my whole life. And keeping up with my emotional health has always been a battle. But when I am stressed with huge life changes, It becomes way worse. And then I don't know if it's just stress that's making me feel that way, or my depression, or Satan, or blah blah blah. And I have to stop and take a moment and breathe.
{Social Life}: Right now, my social life is the last thing on my list. It's heartbreaking, really. I never see my friends. I don't really have time to do anything super exciting or adventurous (which is hard because my natural instinct is to be very spontaneous!). I hate that. So I have told myself that once school is out, I am going to do something new at least once a week this summer. Whether it be a new hike, scrapbook, learn how to change a tire (yes, I have learned that 90 times...I still can't remember), etc. I am going to get that spontaneity and adventuresome Sierra back! It's difficult to learn to balance my life in times like this. I need relationships in my life--they are something very important to me. But when I finally have alone time, I just want to read, or sleep, or check my emails and get caught up on life (or, ya know, Grey's Anatomy...). Socializing sometimes just makes me tired. Am I weird for saying that?
Then you add in blogging, church stuff, every day errands, etc. And pretty much I don't have time to breathe.
I seriously don't know how so many of you find the time to be avid bloggers with giveaways, parties, twitter, meetings, sponsors, etc. Thinking about all of those things just makes me want to vomit. One day I'll have the time. One day.
I sort of feel like the walls are caving in on me. It's as if I have this "list" of things that I need to get done but I cannot seem to find the energy, positive attitude, or time to do it all. I don't know if it's just the fact that I am overwhelemed, or exhausted, or the fact that this week has seriously been one of the craziest weeks when it comes negative incidents happening in this country! With the Boston Bombings, the lost girl in Provo, the factory being blown up in Texas, Iran occurrences, etc. I seriously think that this week has just been a really crappy week..for everyone....
So, I have created a list of 5 things for me and for those of you out there who feel like they are stressed out of their minds (or just suck at dealing with stress, like me! Anxiety anyone?)
1. BREATHE
Take a moment every day to breathe. A moment could be anything for you: 2 minutes, 15 minutes, 1 hour. Do not go longer than than 3 hours though! That's just getting distracted and lazy. Do not distract yourself with any technology. Get off the computer. Get off your phone. Turn off your tv.
Go for a walk. Take a nap. Write in your journal. Goodness--just lay there for a minute!!! Just stopping for a minute helps you take in what you feel more awakened and focused on the things that are most important. It is vital that you make room to rest.
2. DO SOMETHING SILLY
Don’t forget to have fun! Laugh. A lot. Do something spontaneous. Not every day, but make it a part of your life. Sometimes I tend to get so rigid in my routine that I forget that spontaneity and adventure is a good thing!
3. PRAY/MEDITATE
I don't care if you are religious or not. Pray. A lot. Pray to yourself. Pray to Buddha. Pray to the earth. Pray to God. Just hearing yourself say the words out loud is a stress reliever. Allowing your inner self to believe in something higher than just you will make your thoughts more positive and give you hope in what is coming up next.
4. TAKE THE EVENING OFF
You can’t be equally productive every single waking moment, so you might as well schedule some off time off soon. Be nice to yourself and don’t expect to accomplish everything in one day. Allow yourself to sit down and watch a movie. Allow yourself to a take a long shower. Allow yourself to go to bed early on a Friday night. Allow yourself for that long run you've been wanting to take. Don't be afraid to say no to things. It's okay to not be busy or doing something all of the time. Choose the things that are most important and go with it. Do what is most important to you first.
5. POSTPONE ALL MAJOR DECISIONS
This is not the time to move houses, quit your day job or break up with your significant other (however tempting any of those changes are). Save the big stuff for when you’re calmer and can think clearer. YEP. THIS IS ONE I REALLY NEED. I tend to make rash decisions when I am tired or stressed. Allow yourself to think, process, and make the decisions when your head is clearer and not so overwhelmed.
This list could go on and on, but this is something I came up with fairly quickly.
Now, I am going to take a bubble bath.
What do you do that helps with you stress?
Any thoughts on my word vomit of what's happening in my life?
It's almost the weekend! Yay!
xoxo.
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