Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sunday Thoughts.
Who am I to judge another, when I walk imperfectly?
Lord, I Would Follow Thee. Hymn #220.
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Also,
Do you ever wonder if the people you consider some of your best friends don't reciprocate that feeling? I often times worry that some of the most important people in my life don't make ME or think of me as a priority. Is this a silly fear? Do I just over analyze everything? Oh wait. I do.
But really.
sometimes I fear, when I look around, if the people I consider some of my best friends are just going along for the ride and not truly feeling the same way.
Eeek.
Too negative? I thought so. Meh. I had to ask.
The sun came out today. And THAT makes everything a bit better, doesn't it?
Lord, I Would Follow Thee. Hymn #220.
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Also,
Do you ever wonder if the people you consider some of your best friends don't reciprocate that feeling? I often times worry that some of the most important people in my life don't make ME or think of me as a priority. Is this a silly fear? Do I just over analyze everything? Oh wait. I do.
But really.
sometimes I fear, when I look around, if the people I consider some of my best friends are just going along for the ride and not truly feeling the same way.
Eeek.
Too negative? I thought so. Meh. I had to ask.
The sun came out today. And THAT makes everything a bit better, doesn't it?
Friday, March 25, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
I recently have decided to let a friend out of my life.
This friend will always have a special place in my heart, but a VERY huge incident produced some very negative behaviors.
And I had the realization that I don't need anymore unhealthy people in my life.
It's a sad experience to realize that people who you thought you knew do such sad things.
I was getting frustrated with myself for feeling things so deeply, for caring so much. But like Ingrid Michaelson says:
"Happy is the heart that still feels pain."
It is a blessing that I still feel things. And it is a blessing that I went through this experience to learn what I do and don't need in my life.
It is not fun shutting the door on someone.
But that's life.
You cry. Stand back up. And move on.
I'm at that point of my life when I am tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. But it's not giving up. I am not giving up. I'm walking away. I realize that I don't need certain people and their issues.
Saying goodbye and allowing yourself to walk away does not mean that you are weak; it just means that you are strong enough to let go.
On another non-emo note, San Francisco was beautiful, despite the constant rain. SO many memories were made. Pictures coming soon.
This friend will always have a special place in my heart, but a VERY huge incident produced some very negative behaviors.
And I had the realization that I don't need anymore unhealthy people in my life.
It's a sad experience to realize that people who you thought you knew do such sad things.
I was getting frustrated with myself for feeling things so deeply, for caring so much. But like Ingrid Michaelson says:
"Happy is the heart that still feels pain."
It is a blessing that I still feel things. And it is a blessing that I went through this experience to learn what I do and don't need in my life.
It is not fun shutting the door on someone.
But that's life.
You cry. Stand back up. And move on.
I'm at that point of my life when I am tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. But it's not giving up. I am not giving up. I'm walking away. I realize that I don't need certain people and their issues.
Saying goodbye and allowing yourself to walk away does not mean that you are weak; it just means that you are strong enough to let go.
On another non-emo note, San Francisco was beautiful, despite the constant rain. SO many memories were made. Pictures coming soon.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Dumb Decisions.
I have some things to say right now. I'm not sure how to put them into words, so this is the most I can write down. Often times, I have a problem expressing myself because I want to clarify it perfectly. Partly because I'm a perfectionist, but more importantly because I want you to completely understand the anxiety and pureness of feelings behind it.
So bear with me.
I am currently listening to Adele's new cd:21. It has, quite literally, changed my life. I am hoping that her soothing voice will guide me.
I've been in "love" with a lot of "jerks." I have fallen for their trap; I have stupidly followed their manipulative words. I have made stupid decisions in my life; decisions which I cannot completely erase. Yet, I don't particularly WANT to erase them because they have molded me into the person I am today. But, as I see people around me, people that I love with all of my heart, making unwise decisions I get enormously frustrated.
I get so upset because I have seen myself make some of these stupid decisions. I have felt the pain of a guy playing with my heart. I have gone off my gut: and sometimes that's not the best way to make decisions. Sometimes, you need more than guts. You need common sense to think through. (Yes, this is coming from the most illogical human being ever). I'm the first person to attest that good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.
I've had a lot of experiences recently that have brought me into a state of mini depression. And you know what's interesting?
All of these experiences stem from disappointment. Disappointment in others, disappointment in myself.
But I just had an epiphany: I CAN'T CONTROL WHAT OTHERS DO.
I can only imagine what it was like to be my parents. I feel a minimal amount of pain and sadness they felt as they watched me make decisions that brought me lower and lower.
I cannot control those around me; as much as I'd like to. I need to allow them to make their own decisions. And if they fall, I need to continue to support them. People don't function the way that I do; they don't think through everything the same way that I do. I need to accept their individuality and their decisions and love them despite our differences.
Sometimes we get so blinded by words; especially me. I think this is a big part of where my disappointment comes from. I constantly want to hear the right words and i want solidification. We are all insecure at times. I am one of the most confident people I know, and I get self conscious sometimes. I want words to coagulate what I am lacking. But here's what we all need to remember:
You're going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, its always their actions you should judge them by. Its actions, not words, that matter.
If you are going to make a decision; stick with it. If you are going to prove something, show people by your actions. There are enough silly phrases, enough manipulative words, enough fake love speeches for this world. Prove your character, your love, your true self by having your actions coincide with your words.
I know I am hard on people. It's only because I see others' potential, and I want them to live up to it.
Are you living up to your potential? Are your actions matching your words? Is your mind being blinded by only your heart? Are you constantly growing and trying to change if something is not healthy or working?
"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.”
Life is the sum of all your choices. ~Albert Camus
Note: I know this is a little more harsh than usual. I may have a little angst still. Like they say, never write when you're angry. haha. Oh well.
So bear with me.
I am currently listening to Adele's new cd:21. It has, quite literally, changed my life. I am hoping that her soothing voice will guide me.
I've been in "love" with a lot of "jerks." I have fallen for their trap; I have stupidly followed their manipulative words. I have made stupid decisions in my life; decisions which I cannot completely erase. Yet, I don't particularly WANT to erase them because they have molded me into the person I am today. But, as I see people around me, people that I love with all of my heart, making unwise decisions I get enormously frustrated.
I get so upset because I have seen myself make some of these stupid decisions. I have felt the pain of a guy playing with my heart. I have gone off my gut: and sometimes that's not the best way to make decisions. Sometimes, you need more than guts. You need common sense to think through. (Yes, this is coming from the most illogical human being ever). I'm the first person to attest that good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.
I've had a lot of experiences recently that have brought me into a state of mini depression. And you know what's interesting?
All of these experiences stem from disappointment. Disappointment in others, disappointment in myself.
But I just had an epiphany: I CAN'T CONTROL WHAT OTHERS DO.
I can only imagine what it was like to be my parents. I feel a minimal amount of pain and sadness they felt as they watched me make decisions that brought me lower and lower.
I cannot control those around me; as much as I'd like to. I need to allow them to make their own decisions. And if they fall, I need to continue to support them. People don't function the way that I do; they don't think through everything the same way that I do. I need to accept their individuality and their decisions and love them despite our differences.
Sometimes we get so blinded by words; especially me. I think this is a big part of where my disappointment comes from. I constantly want to hear the right words and i want solidification. We are all insecure at times. I am one of the most confident people I know, and I get self conscious sometimes. I want words to coagulate what I am lacking. But here's what we all need to remember:
You're going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, its always their actions you should judge them by. Its actions, not words, that matter.
If you are going to make a decision; stick with it. If you are going to prove something, show people by your actions. There are enough silly phrases, enough manipulative words, enough fake love speeches for this world. Prove your character, your love, your true self by having your actions coincide with your words.
I know I am hard on people. It's only because I see others' potential, and I want them to live up to it.
Are you living up to your potential? Are your actions matching your words? Is your mind being blinded by only your heart? Are you constantly growing and trying to change if something is not healthy or working?
"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.”
Life is the sum of all your choices. ~Albert Camus
Note: I know this is a little more harsh than usual. I may have a little angst still. Like they say, never write when you're angry. haha. Oh well.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Mama Bear.
Happy 30th Birthday(ha) to the mother:
who has the funniest laugh (cackle) known to any human being.
who has the weirdest sense of humor including bodily functions.
who has the most giving heart.
who will listen to all of my college trials.
who has a realistic and practical solution for every problem.
who lets me be an individual; and always has.
who will do anything to watch me succeed.
who will support me in all my artistic, imaginative, "INFP dreaming" ideas.
who loves me and shows that through her actions.
who has the surprisingly good taste when picking out my clothes.
who buys EVERYTHING on sale. (The best bargain shopper in the world)
who made me smoothies every day growing up.
who drives the red hot Volvo. (Missing Veronica)
who listens to all my music; and dances to it (unfortunately).
who will yell louder than any other person at basketball games. Excluding my father, of course.
who has a solid, firm foundation of Christ.
who always wants to be outside and have fun.
who is a beautiful woman.
...who I love more than anything!
Happy Birthday, Mama Ainge.
You da bomb.
I love you a million good and plenties.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Forrest Gump
(isn't she pretty?)
Happy 21st Birthday to Lauren Michelle Groth!!
(this may or may not be the BEST picture I have ever seen in my entire life. I still laugh out loud every time I look at it).
Things I adore about this ginger:
*She is literally one of the funniest people I have ever met. I know you're thinking, yea yea, all my friends are funny. NO. You have z.e.r.o idea how hard this girl makes me laugh. Her wit is unfathomable; her humor is contagious.
*She is crazy and out there and is SO much fun to be around. I don't think I have ever met someone who needs to go on SNL more than her.
*her loyalty. This girl would walk through fire for any of her friends. I know I'm stuck with her forever :)
*Her athletic abilities. I've known Lauren since second grade. While we were growing up, I envied her ability on the basketball court, lacrosse field, etc. Her aggression and natural abilities always made me a little jealous.
*Her desire to love everyone. She has the biggest heart EVER. Like me, she feels things so deeply. She loves her friends and those important in her life more than anything.
*Her outrageous music taste. I love it. I crave it.
*Her and I's obsession with Forrest Gump. No other explanation needed.
*Her willingness to always laugh and have a good time. In high school, we did some of the most random crap EVER. It was perfect.
*Her spontaneity. She lives her life day by day. And I actually envy this because it's always a surprise. Her life is NEVER boring.
*Her red hair. Best. Ginger. Ever.
*as you can tell from all of the pictures, we are ridiculous together. But it's because we have known each other for so long and no explanation is ever needed. She gives me advice when I need it; vice versa. She's one of the best friends to have.
*Her strength. She has been handed a difficult set of cards, no doubt about that. And you know what? She is getting through it. Her ability to fight through this pain and hardship is amazing.
Lauren--I love you so much. I look up to you for your amazing sense of humor, your strength through all of these trials, and perfect heart. Thank you for being such a great friend and exemplifying what it means to be a true invididual. Happy 21er--don't get too buck wild.
Your BFF,
Sisi
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